Lifes Ups And Downs

[nailit]

Why do some people seem to cope with life's ups and downs better than others?
Ive known some people that have been through the most horrendous circumstances that life can throw at them and yet come out the other end smiling. And others (and yes, I'm probably including myself In this) struggle to cope with everyday life?
Whats the difference that makes a difference?
Thanks,

[Tilly2]

Fortitude.

[Baldric]

A Spine?

[nailit]

That's just a word Tills, how does one *get* fortitude?

[jennyjoan]

You inherit it.

[Mamyalynne]

I guess it's just the way we are bolted together, combine that with upbringing and other things as a package.

I have found the older I get I roll with the punches better than when I was an impatient young woman.

I expect less from life now, so as a consequence I don't get disappointed as often.

[Tilly2]

^... which is the same as fortitude.

[woofgang]

dunno....I think sometimes the difference is brain chemicals....like some people are better runners because of the way their bodies are built or better at maths because of the way they think...some people are better copers because of their brain chemicals.

[nailit]

//A Spine? //
Enlighten me Baldric...

[Baldric]

Otherwise known as having a Backbone

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-build-a-backbone-in-3-easy-steps-1215144

[-SharonA-]

Having good support from family and friends.

[237SJ]

Upbringing and strength of mind

[nailit]

Baldric, I have to say, we don't see eye to eye on AB but I DID enjoy that link :-)
Just as an aside, I once knew someone who was pretty much like yourself, ex forces, came across as pretty much as a hard case (I certainly wouldn't have crossed him) and yet he got sent to prison ...for theft.. and cried in the dock when sentenced, had quiet a hard time inside as well. No backbone there!

[jno]

if I may say so, you actually seem to manage okay - you're articulate and self-analytical, and if you aren't always on top of things, most people aren't. (You also cope well with stupid criticism when it's made.) We none of us know how we'll manage when life kicks us in the teeth, but that doesn't happen equally to all of us: quite likely most would struggle just as much as you do if we were put to the test as you are.

[jourdain2]

I can't better Tilly's answer at 21.22, except to say that you need to add a bit of bloody-mindedness and faith (in my case). I found myself in the ruins of a relationship (for which I had left my neglectful etc. first husband once the children were safely at university).

This guy turned out to be a genuine psychopath (incarcerated eventually in a French mental hospital). I had burned my boats and was shut up with him in an isolated farmstead, 4 Km from the nearest village. Hands went round my throat, I was forced to my knees. I have a scar on my jaw and a red patch on my nose where he broke the blood vessels. I plugged on, regardless. Almost lost my faith. Not a good time. Eventually he attacked me and I called the Gendarmes and I had to go to my Dr. next day. This meant no more hiding. As luck would have it, 2 friends were coming out and saw my face.

I fought a divorce in the French courts (he tried, half-heartedly to commit suicide). I had to do it in French and pay for his translators (he never bothered learning the language). It was not the easiest time. A bit of British bulldoggedness,, a refusal to give in - and the value given to my existence by friends. It was then that I met my dear Mr. J2 and the rest is history. I have come to a very happy place.

Does this help? I really doubted my faith and screamed at God, but it came right in the end.

[nailit]

//You also cope well with stupid criticism when it's made//
Par for the course when a member of AB jno ;-) Water of a ducks back...

[gness]

It can be the other way round, Nailit.....when some folk are suffering or not coping they are willing to let others know......and look for help...and that's a good thing although you'll have to put up with pompous or snidey comments.....

Then you'll get some like me.....I cope well and am fairly cheery and up beat...but if there is something wrong or I'm struggling there is no way on earth I'd let anyone at all know....
So maybe those you see smiling aren't always.....xxx

[Mamyalynne]

That's very true Gness, I rarely cry out - but when my whole world collapsed I did and the help and strength I got from here helped me no end.

[nailit]

//I rarely cry out - but when my whole world collapsed I did and the help and strength I got from here helped me no end. //

Same here, just had to learn to ignore the know all idiots...

[Baldric]

/// you'll have to put up with pompous or snidey comments ///

If that was a gentle Pop at me gness, I don't do pompous or snidey,
I do straight, I give my opinion, that's it. ;o)

[gness]

It's interesting that you say from here, Mamya.......I never asked for help from friends or family when MrG was ill and when he died...they'd have been brilliant I know if I had....
Whenever I did hit rock bottom I took myself off to bed for some days...no answering door or phone....and nobody other than my doctor knows to this day how bad I was....

Now had I been on AB I think I'd have found some solace in chatting on here......it is very different to one to one face with another person and I've seen some wonderful and comforting posts on AB when folk have been suffering....

Just a shame it's sometimes coloured with unhelpful posts.....maybe if we've nothing good or helpful to say to members like Nailit who are going through a bad time we should just......keep quiet?....x