Are You A Parent Who Is Alone This Christmas?

[naomi24]

My friend’s husband died earlier in the year, but despite having two grown up daughters neither have invited her for Christmas and so she will be alone. She’s very hurt and understandably so. Do you have thoughtless children, or even children you feel don’t care about you and don't bother with you? I find it terribly sad.

[Mamyalynne]

That is very sad indeed, after my Husband died the family continued to come to me for a big family get together as we'd always done though they helped out more.

As the years have progressed and the children have grown and plans differ, we take each year as it comes.

So sad she has not even had an invite, no wonder she feels hurt.

[jno]

I couldn't comment on individuals - maybe there's something between your friend and her daughters that you don't know about? - but generally, people grow up, leave home, marry, and start their own families. Chances are her daughters are already tossing up over whose families they spend Christmas with (or perhaps just planning to go to the Caribbean and forget the whole thing).

jno jnr takes great care of us, but then we've taken care of him through the bad times. It's nice this way,but if the time comes when he spends Christmas with someone else's family, we won't object.

[emmie]

its sad that no one has invited her for Christmas,

i am on my own most of the year, now brother has invited me, as well as a good friend.. so i consider myself lucky this time..
its not always so.

[MallyJ]

People don't have children so that they can be looked after in old age. I have no doubt she has friends and could invite a few to join her for xmas ....or she could have invited her daughters to hers for xmas....or boxing day. You bring up children to be independent as one would expect you to be. Why hasn't she invited them to hers?

[Mamyalynne]

To me, the fact it's only this year her Husband died and therefore probably the first Christmas alone for a long time makes it a bit more sad.

Maybe I'm being too sentimental, but often after all the good wishes and promises to keep in touch after the funeral not everyone does, so maybe that's just life.

[pixie374]

It is, especially if it's her first without her husband. In her position, I would be speaking to my children and saying- sort it out!!

[Eleena]

Hi Naomi,
still early days yet? May be they are making arrangements between them? Who's house etc?

[Cloverjo]

I don't blame her for feeling hurt. She's probably hosted many Christmases over the years. It wouldn't take too much trouble for one of her daughters to invite her over, even if they're going to the in-laws on the day.

I have been away for Christmas before because I'd had enough, but I couldn't leave my dad on his own now he's been widowed.

[Mamyalynne]

DillaDev, yes - but the choice would be nice.

I'm not backward at coming forward and have been known to invite myself :-)

[emmie]

i spent the first Christmas alone after o/h passed away, even though i was asked to go to family, i didn't and instead got absolutely paralytic, which was a big mistake.

[anthro-nerd]

I'm hosting my siblings this year, so my Dad will be spending Christmas with his new wife and her family and his brother's family. It will be the first Christmas meal without 'his' children. We will all however be going over to his in the morning to make sure he feels loved, despite us eating elsewhere!

[naomi24]

Her daughters never bother with her much but I think since her husband died she's feeling very alone and rather afraid so I can understand her sadness.

[emmie]

could she come to yours??

[naomi24]

I'm going away anyway, emmie, otherwise she would be more than welcome (we're renowned for entertaining at Christmas - and the more the merrier!) - but apart from that I think she wants her family and needs to know they care. I wonder how many other people have children who don't care?

[pixie374]

Probably a few, Naomi. How well do you know her daughters? Are they aware?

[Samuraisan]

I would be devastated if that happened to me or to Mr.Sam with me looking down. I do hope she does get an invite, maybe there is a confusion somewhere

[mallyh]

that's very sad ,she needs to be with family to help her get through .yes I have a thoughtless son ,never buys cards or pressys for anyone or even to say happy Christmas .but always ask what we are giving him .

[naomi24]

I don't know the daughters well now that they're adults, Pixie. The family moved away when the girls were children. I don't see my friend often but we're in regular contact.

[NellieMay]

I think it's wrong to pass judgement on her daughters without being aware of the situation or the daughters' circumstances. I agree with jno. Perhaps she should invite her daughters for Christmas if she wants to see them.