How Do I Handle My Father Marrying A Verbally Abusive Woman?

[anonymous555553]

My father has had a girlfriend for about five years, and they are marrying in a few days. A few months ago, I went on a trip with my father, his girlfriend, and her daughter. I have OCD, anxiety, and depression, and I've never been away from home for a long period of time, and they weren't very helpful and understanding of my concerns. I stayed in the hotel room for most of the trip because I didn't want my concerns to ruin their trip. One night I had a horrible anxiety attack and my dad's girlfriend took her daughter out of the room and rented a different room for the night. My dad at least made an effort to try and console me, but he didn't do a very good job. She was also extremely passive aggressive towards me, and even screamed at me telling me that I was a horrible person in the middle of an airport. I love my dad so much and I want him to be happy, but I know that marrying her is bad for him and me. She often leaves my dad to take care of her daughter while she goes and does whatever thing, and even got mad at her daughter when she asked to do something alone with her mom, because she said that she needed to spend more time with him. She is also extremely manipulative towards him. After the trip ended, she didn't let him see me. However, one time when she was gone, he invited me to his house to stay for a few days. I did, and his girlfriend later found out (I think). That weekend, he called me saying that he was staying in a hotel, and wanted my sister and I to spend the night with him. I later found out that his girlfriend broke his phone during a fight, and kicked him out. I woke up in the middle of that night to hear him and his girlfriend screaming at each other over the phone. A week later, I found out they were planning to marry. She also wrote a letter to my mother saying how my sister and I are ruining her life, and is demanding an apology. My mother and father think I should apologize, but I have no idea how, nor do I want to. My sister didn't even go on the trip and she has estranged my dad from her as well, and she didn't even do anything. I don't know how to say "sorry I have an anxiety disorder" nicely. Her daughter is also extremely attached to me, and she is honestly the worst behaved child I have ever met. My dad tells me she draws me pictures and that she wants to see me. Although I don't like her at all, I feel like I'm letting her down because I'm not the role model she wants. I love my dad so much, and I want to support his decision, but I don't, and I don't know how I'm supposed to go to their wedding and be around her and her daughter.

[Samuraisan]

Goodness, how old are you ? You sound like you need help. I think you need to talk your mother, you sound a bit possesive with your father, poor chap, let him get on with his life.

[Sqad]

I only got to line 25, when my head fell forward onto the PC table and i fell to the floor.
Will try and reply after i have recovered.

[kvalidir]

You are you. Your Dad is him. You are two separate people with lives that you need to live. Because he loves you and you love him you will still have a relationship, calm down, don't worry, sounds like your little step sister likes you, so build on that, I take it she's a child. You don't have to like her mother, but you do have to make efforts to get along with her, so go to the wedding be happy that your Dad is happy, and try to get along however hard it is. We all have interpersonal issues, I'm in the middle of a horror story myself, but do the right thing the decent thing and everything will be as good as it can be.

[NoMercy]

It's his life, not yours.

There is a very true saying ... "Love is blind." He will only see what he wants to see and you will save yourself a lot of heartache and anguish in the meantime if you stop trying to "save" your father from this relationship you are so vehemently opposed to.

No matter how much we love our nearest and dearest, sometime we have to let them make their mistakes and learn the hard way.

I would suggest that you concentrate on overcoming your own anxieties and not let what you perceive to be your father's problems add to them. Just be there to listen when he needs it, any in turn you can rightfully expect him to be there when you need him.

Best of luck.

[BagPussAA]

Their relationship might seem volatile to you as an outsider but you don't know how it is when you are not there. It is your Dad's life and you need to let him get one with it and pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong. Try and make an effort to build on your relationship with your stepsister as she seems to like you and this may help you to be around your step mum more easily. Your anxieties may be making your concern worse than it really needs to be.