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[marval]

Latest news: ‘Ford Transit with gold encrusted seats stolen,’ Police believe the robber had an interior motive.

It is not easy finding someone to cover me at work. I am a lazy bed tester.

Tip of the day. Two pieces of penne pasta stuck together make ideal binoculars for your pet Hamster.

I was knocked over by a clown car! Luckily, seventeen people got out to help.

I keep making fabric related jokes around my friend to see if he notices. He still hasn’t cottoned on.

I was in a restaurant the other day and I asked the waiter “What are the specials?” He said, “An influential 2 Tone ska band from Coventry.”

My friend asked me why I’m spending so much time in the small, dark and damp shed at the bottom of my garden. I told him I was growing fungi in it, “mushroom?” he asked, I replied, “no, it’s a bit cramped but I manage.”

I fell out of bed this morning after the noise of birds suddenly woke me up. I really need to find a different tree to sleep in.

I have spent all weekend trying to catch up with my washing. These 50mph winds are a nightmare.

This “exercise” thing is a lot easier than I thought. I have been sitting up all afternoon and I am still not tired.