Tim Vine Puns

DTCwordfan | 12:29 Thu 24th Jan 2019 | Jokes

34 Answers

I didn't tell you that I've recently got a job as putting a spout on a teapot.
I'm the pourer for it

The other day, someone said, "Can I have three chairs for my patio?"
I said, "Well, what's so good about that deal?"

I Met

It's Good To See Our Mps Have Got Their Priorities Right.

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Patsy33

Lol...Love Tim Vine!

Malachite

You know, all male tennis players are witches. Take Goran for example even ee'z a witch!

Malachite

I bought a years supply of Marmite the other day ...one jar.

Patsy33

Eric Bristow asked me why I put superglue on one of his darts. I said ‘you just can’t let it go can you?"

marval

"I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: 'I can’t make Tuesdays.'"

DTCwordfan

Question Author

very good.

'He can count and so can I. That makes for three of us.

wiltsman

So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".

So I went down the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it", he said "Those are pickled onions".

Arksided

Tim Vine is brilliant, so corny and good his puns. I aslo like Lee Mack but that show they do together with that very pretty lady can't hold that together for me.

DTCwordfan

Question Author

He won the Edinburgh Festival 'best comic gag' with "I've decided to sell my Hoover … well, it was just collecting dust."

DTCwordfan

Question Author

“The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.”