ChatterBank10 mins ago
'twas The Night Before Christmas ...
3 Answers
I stole this from the UK Cops Humour FB page
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Nick,
The shift were all restless, their Sarge was off sick.
The Probie was pelted with scrunched paper balls,
And all lived in hope there'd be no rubbish calls.
Old Trumpton were nestled warm and snug in their beds,
With dreams of "The Bill" dancing all through their heads.
They could just barely wait for the alarm clock to ring,
Up, shower, gym - then breakfast fit for a King!
When suddenly it came - splitting the silence,
A burglary shout; there might well be violence!
Shift snatched up their keys and were out in a flash,
All crammed in the van, driven by the copper with a 'tache.
The moon cast its beams upon the grotty estate,
A pretty sight, sure, despite an aura of hate.
When in the darkness, they catch a glimpse of some coats,
"We're Code 6 at the scene - and so are the scrotes!"
Bedecked in a tracksuit, skinny and quick,
They knew in a moment it must be "Scummy Nick".
More rapid than 'roaches his buddies they came,
He whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Oi Tony! Oi Phil! Oi Jimmy an' Tommy!
C'mon John! Hurry Tim! Run Ed! Move it Donny!
Drop it and do one! The Feds are all here!"
And they ran away fast - and they dropped all the gear!
Some ran to the left, some ran to the right,
But the Bobbies were keen and not scared of a fight!
The scrotes they were desperate - as is often the norm,
But the shift were all experts in their Use of Force forms.
Now it's not always fun fighting crims in the dark,
Unless a colleague arrives with a partner who barks.
The furry Land Shark was quick on their scent,
And there's nowt like a Malinois to make you repent...
With the gang all in 'cuffs, except for just Scummy Nick,
A renowned Sector Target, always taking the mick.
It was time to call NPAS and find their last guy...
... but they couldn't come out 'cos of clouds in the sky!
Then suddenly on the wind, the faint jingling of bells,
The Malinois looked interested; nose up for a smell.
A tiny red dot way up high in the sky,
Getting bigger and closer as the seconds passed by...
"Surely not!" "Could it be?" the Bobbies said in a hush,
When suddenly! A sleigh! And it seemed in a rush!
"We're on a tight schedule" said a voice with a boom,
"But I see one outstanding, and it seems you've got room!"
The 'tache unlocked his van and the cage at the rear,
Without warning, a flash - and Scummy Nick did appear!
"That's the lot!" Santa hailed. "I'm afraid I must go!"
"I'd love to read your statements! Ho ho hooooo...!"
A burglary well foiled - and Christmas was saved!
The shift with mouths open as at Santa they waved...
But most nights are similar - maybe minus the sleigh,
They keep us safe whilst we sleep, 24 hours a day.
So to all those who answer when we call 999,
Whatever the service, whatever the time,
We're lucky to have you - our sisters and brothers,
Stay safe out there all - and look after each other.
Merry Christmas
Trumpton = Fire Brigade
Land Shark = K9 police officer
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the Nick,
The shift were all restless, their Sarge was off sick.
The Probie was pelted with scrunched paper balls,
And all lived in hope there'd be no rubbish calls.
Old Trumpton were nestled warm and snug in their beds,
With dreams of "The Bill" dancing all through their heads.
They could just barely wait for the alarm clock to ring,
Up, shower, gym - then breakfast fit for a King!
When suddenly it came - splitting the silence,
A burglary shout; there might well be violence!
Shift snatched up their keys and were out in a flash,
All crammed in the van, driven by the copper with a 'tache.
The moon cast its beams upon the grotty estate,
A pretty sight, sure, despite an aura of hate.
When in the darkness, they catch a glimpse of some coats,
"We're Code 6 at the scene - and so are the scrotes!"
Bedecked in a tracksuit, skinny and quick,
They knew in a moment it must be "Scummy Nick".
More rapid than 'roaches his buddies they came,
He whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Oi Tony! Oi Phil! Oi Jimmy an' Tommy!
C'mon John! Hurry Tim! Run Ed! Move it Donny!
Drop it and do one! The Feds are all here!"
And they ran away fast - and they dropped all the gear!
Some ran to the left, some ran to the right,
But the Bobbies were keen and not scared of a fight!
The scrotes they were desperate - as is often the norm,
But the shift were all experts in their Use of Force forms.
Now it's not always fun fighting crims in the dark,
Unless a colleague arrives with a partner who barks.
The furry Land Shark was quick on their scent,
And there's nowt like a Malinois to make you repent...
With the gang all in 'cuffs, except for just Scummy Nick,
A renowned Sector Target, always taking the mick.
It was time to call NPAS and find their last guy...
... but they couldn't come out 'cos of clouds in the sky!
Then suddenly on the wind, the faint jingling of bells,
The Malinois looked interested; nose up for a smell.
A tiny red dot way up high in the sky,
Getting bigger and closer as the seconds passed by...
"Surely not!" "Could it be?" the Bobbies said in a hush,
When suddenly! A sleigh! And it seemed in a rush!
"We're on a tight schedule" said a voice with a boom,
"But I see one outstanding, and it seems you've got room!"
The 'tache unlocked his van and the cage at the rear,
Without warning, a flash - and Scummy Nick did appear!
"That's the lot!" Santa hailed. "I'm afraid I must go!"
"I'd love to read your statements! Ho ho hooooo...!"
A burglary well foiled - and Christmas was saved!
The shift with mouths open as at Santa they waved...
But most nights are similar - maybe minus the sleigh,
They keep us safe whilst we sleep, 24 hours a day.
So to all those who answer when we call 999,
Whatever the service, whatever the time,
We're lucky to have you - our sisters and brothers,
Stay safe out there all - and look after each other.
Merry Christmas
Trumpton = Fire Brigade
Land Shark = K9 police officer
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