What To Do When You Come To Question Your Lifelong Truths

[Samiam71]

I am looking at my 50th year and have found myself feeling more lost and insecure than ever. Losing my dad. Estrangement from my mom. Complete dissolution of my relationship with my grown baby brother. All of my children are grown and gone. It's like life was as I had worked for and structured it to be. Then within a 6 month. Period, all of the above seemed to wash me out of my own life, and I feel like a stranger to all that was comforting to me all my adulthood. How do I find my new normal? I am just existing. Not pleasant. Thanks

[Ringlet]

I think you should try to sign yourself up for some cognitive behavioural therapy to help you to accept the changes that have occurred in you life that you cannot change, and to find strength to change the things that can be changed. In the present lockdown it would be best to try the online version. Google should give you some details.

[jno]

good advice from Ringlet. It's a tough time to find your life in turmoil, but have you got any positives you can build on?

[237SJ]

I think you need to think that there is always someone off than yourself

[237SJ]

*worse*

[Old_Geezer]

Never understood why one should feel better knowing that someone else is in an even worse situation than oneself. Makes me feel sorry for them also.

I'm unsure about lifetime truths, but maybe try to look at it this way. In the past you did what you wanted to do and you succeeded. But life is full of change and now take the time you need to find new goals, new interests.

Of course it may take a while while you mourn for your previous situation, but the future is simply waiting for you to build it, and you have a free hand for that, more or less.

Consider what else you have been interested in but not got around to. Or what else you might like to take an interest in.

It sounds to me as if you neglected maintaining a group of friends in the past, relying on family. So, when you do think of an interest you might like, try to join a local group of other interested folk in order to make human contact and hopefully friends there. (Obviously after this present lockdown.)

Maybe, since you seem to be a caring person, consider volunteering for some charitable work. That also allows you to meet folk and get you out of the house.

Then there's other classes. Ever wanted to sing or dance ? How about hobbies, would you like to cook, or make wine/beer ? How about taking up painting, or tapestry. Do you have a garden, you can chat over the garden wall to your neighbours about how it's going. Maybe learn to play a musical instrument (I understand neighbours love it if you learn the violin or the drums).

IMO it's about getting more relationships into your life, and finding those goals you can strive for, giving meaning to everything. Each individual differs as to the exact path, you should spend a little time planning yours, and maybe try to limit the time analysing what your life used to be.

Take time to feel down about those who are no longer in contact with you, but know when you feel x minutes is enough for now, and that you are going to find something else to concentrate on. Only you can decide the right balance.

Good luck with the transition. Remember nothing stays the same forever, so during times when you are down, it means you will be up a little later.

[Coppit]

If you are fit and healthy your local canal (aka a green gym), heritage railway or any volunteer group struggling to retain something of the past could use your voluntary help. Unfortunately, at this time many activities have had to stop but it's worth investigating.

[rowanwitch]

First and foremost.
Stop and make a list and see what the real priorities are.
It's only been 6 months you say so you are still in the adjustment phase.

Can the family relationships be repaired, if losing your dad was recent then everyone is still raw and sensitive. If you deserve some blame acknowledge it and accept you may need to apologise as part of the process. If you have a toxic family then moving on without them may be a healthier thing to do. Only you know.

Counselling initially to get your thoughts sorted then some behavioural therapy if you still need it.
Lastly now is not the time to make major changes because the current situation will be affecting everything look after your physical health deal with what you can deal with. Another 6 months and you may be on the other side of this.
Rowan

[waterboatman]

Take life as it comes and deal with it as you see fit.

[Theland]

Good advice from all of the above.

I think it was Churchill who said, ''Change is progress, perfection is constant change.''