Have You Seen This. Washington Post.

[Tilly2]

Very funny!

ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (N.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (V.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (V.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (Adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (Adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door
in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (N.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (N.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a
steamroller.
10. Balderdash (N.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (N.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (N.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (N), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (N.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (N.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die,
your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (N.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new
definition. Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (N.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from
penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future.
2. Foreploy (V): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (N.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially
impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (N): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (N): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who
doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (V): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (N): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (N): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (N): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes,
right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10. Decafalon (N.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things
that are good for you.
11. Glibido (V): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (N): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at
you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (N.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally
walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (N.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three
in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (N.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're
eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (N): A person who's both stupid and an ***

[emmie]

i will read them all later, but the first ones are very good

[Tilly2]

The last word, which is asterisked, is a/s/s/h/o/l/e.

[emmie]

i got that bit

[Tilly2]

:-)

[emmie]

all very good,

[LadyCG]

Love it!

[Tilly2]

My favourite is

Lymph (V.), to walk with a lisp.

That made me spit out my wine!

[LadyCG]

I liked the one about the Rastafarian Proctologist

[Tilly2]

Piles of them are good!

[margarettom]

Very funny. Thanks Tilly. Having read them I was completely flabbergasted!

[pastafreak]

My splutter moment came with esplanade:to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Thanks for this.

[Patsy33]

Good find, Tilly.
I like No. 16, lol

[jno]

I was sent that at work, which means it must be about 15 years old. Not a criticism, but I've never seen this yearly contest again, much to my disappointment.

I was also sent an Australian newspaper thing on similar lines, altering one letter:

billabonk: to make passionate love beside a waterhole

bludgie: a partner who doesn't work but is kept as a pet.

dodgeridoo: a fake indigenous artefact.

fair drinkum: good quality Aussie wine.

flatypus: a cat which has been run over by a vehicle.

shagman: an unemployed male roaming the Australian bush in search of sexual activity.

yabble: the unintelligible language of Australian freshwater crustaceans.

bush*anker: a pretentious drongo who reckons he's above average when it comes to handling himself in the scrub.

shornbag: a particularly attractive naked sheep.

technicolour lawn: the front yard after a rave party.

I don't understand all of those.

[Togo]

Very good Tills. Is Dramarmalade a breakfast serial?

[Tilly2]

Very good, Togo. :-)

Jno, I have never seen this before and am disappointed that it's not bona fide. Pah!

[webbo3]

Theres a bloke I follow on Twitter comes up with these lists all the time

[Mamyalynne]

Brilliant!!

[pastafreak]

Apparently it dates back to 1998. And may not be from the Washington Post. Who cares. We still find it to be funny. That's good...we need to laugh.

www.washingtonpostsmensainvitational.com

[Tilly2]

If it put a smile on some faces, all well and good.

[jourdain2]

Shades of 'I haven't a Clue' and their new dictionary. :)