Was This Love Or An Obsession?

[Flyaway5]

When I was in high school, I was in love with my 50-year-old teacher. We are both female. She consumed every space in my mind for almost 4 years. She was the only thing I thought about. Something about her attracted me, and I fell in love when she was nice to me and noticed me more, like always saying my name, smiling at me, giving me compliments, noticing I grew taller, bragging about dancing with me at the dances. I even thought she was a lesbian and was in love with me because of her interactions with me. I replayed different scenarios in my head, like my interactions with her in person, and also fantasies. I built this fantasy about her in my head, like we were together. I have never been in a relationship, been kissed, or had sex to remain faithful to her. I turned down guys and never dated anyone in high school, and even now.

I was so in love to the point where I could not stand being away from her for so long, and during the summer I did not know how I was going to survive without seeing her. So I purposely failed a class on purpose twice just so I could take a summer class, just so I could see her. And even during the summers when I didn't take a class, she was all I thought about for 3 months. I yearned for her. All I thought was when I will see her again. I was also very jealous. I know she was divorced and had kids. The thought of her kissing or having sex with somebody killed me. I wanted her all to myself. Every time I saw her interact with so many students right in front of me, it was very difficult for me to deal with and I couldn't handle it. She wasn't the only one this has happened to, this happened for a few others as well whom I was in love with but was never in a relationship with, and they were all women older than me.

[andy-hughes]

I think you experienced the agony and ecstasy of a major crush.

It's part of growing up.

Hopefully a real relationship will help you to understand the difference between one and the other.

[david small]

Or an exercise in literary composition?