Friend Wants Me To Father Her Child Without Me Having To Be Responsible

[Thunderchild]

So I have a friend with benefits. We met on a dating site but decided that we would not make it together but see each other now and then. She now wants to have a child as she wants to be a mother but accepts that I do not wish to be a father and wants to bring it up on her own anyway as she wants to be on her own but wants to be a mother.

OK, aside all of the obvious about do I really want to do this in terms of know I have a child that I will have nothing to do with etc. Where would I stand legally? I do not want to be clobbered for child maintenance or anything like that.

The rest that goes along the lines of can I say "che sera', sera'" and not get involved I am already talking to her about as well as can she really cope with this.

[douglas9401]

Run away!

[Thunderchild]

that is my gut instinct too, but I want to explain to her how and why this cannot be as well as not end up "stuck"

[JimF]

Put yourself in the mind of any child created this way, and you will have your answer.

[Hymie]

I’m pretty sure that even if you entered into an agreement with this woman that you would not ever be held responsible for child support – a court would nullify any such agreement.

You cannot sign away your legal responsibilities to your child.

[Hopkirk]

You will get clobbered for child maintenance.

[Khandro]

Strange how you have no mention at all about how you feel towards this person, she sounds to be even less mature than you are.

Are you serious?

[johnk]

Don't do it, for emotional reasons as well as financial.

[emmie]

run a million miles from this, i wouldn't get involved, as you will be clobbered as you said for maintenance in the near future.

[barry1010]

Every child should have the right to know his father, at least know who he is. This isn't always possible but to voluntarily plan to have a child and deny him that basic information is morally wrong.

As already said, you can't duck the law and you would be liable for maintenance.

[rowanwitch]

I wanted to find a donor before my biological clock stopped, circumstances prevented it. However she can approach agencies who deal with anonymous semen donations as currently donors are protected . Don't underestimate the compliment she has paid you but support her in finding a better alternative.

[Khandro]

For God's sake! It isn't about her, it isn't about him, it's about the future life of a child.
Tell her to get a bloody dog !

[Ken4155]

^
Yeah, but then she'd have to answer to the Pope!

[Peter Pedant]

If you gonna play ya haffta pay

she cant give away her rights and certainly can do it for her child.

she can make you responsible - quite rightly

[Thunderchild]

Well I never thought it was a good idea. Just looking for how to explain it to her. I know she will not cope bringing a child up on her own and I agree that a child should have both it's parents so I would end up involved anyway. Talking to her its more about her than anyone else which is a bad start.

[Ken4155]

I'm guessing that if you decline her request, she'll no longer be your FWB. Have you got someone lined up to replace her? :-))

[Thunderchild]

The bigger picture comes first. It's generally her who wants to see me. If she does not want to anymore that's fine with me. She has mental health issues and I've already called the emergency services in twice to save her from suicide. My main concern is her welfare but as in the past if the relationship starts to affect my mental health I back away. I can only do what I can do.

[naomi24]

I can't imagine why you even considered the proposal. Just tell her 'No' and if she doesn't like it, tough. You'd have to be crazy to go along with that.