A Tale Of Two Funerals

[barry1010]

I have been to a funeral today, simple service, incredibly moving. The family was surprised at the number of people there and gained a lot of comfort seeing how popular their daughter was. She had been poorly for a long time.
As the curtain started to close her big brother simply stood up and sang the last verse and chorus of Bridge Over Troubled Water (Sail on, silver girl.....). His sister's name was Sylvia but everyone called her Silver. That will stay with me for a long time.

Today I also learned that my neighbour had died last week and there is to be a direct to crem funeral. We weren't particularly close but had been good neighbours, helping each other over the 30 years with car troubles, gardening, having a good natter over the fence. We never really got on with his wife, not that there were any arguments or fall outs.
So it will be a case of sending a card of condolence to his widow, wondering whether to call on her not. She might feel obliged to invite us in, it will be awkward. Most of the neighbours have lived here 20 years + and we really don't know how to mark his passing. We would have all gone to his funeral, unless it was family only. Farewell, Joe.

[anneasquith]

The wife should most definitely be visited.

[jno]

yes, call on her.

[ducksie]

It's been a sad week on you Barry, the second funeral, that could have been a decision made by the couple a long while back so I would call into her, just let her know that you heard of his passing. You seem a decent chap, I'm sure you won't leave her feeling awkward to invite you in, just knock, say I won't take long, just wanted to pass on my condolences on your sad loss of Joe or Mr - however you like to put it, but definitely, do call to her

[Sqad]

barry, I admire you and you are a positive and helpful member of AB......BUT....

In my opinion all this evocative reporting of funerals on AB is totally innappropriate. AB is becoming and has been for a long time now, a website of misery and calamity.

[MargoTester]

Yes definitely visit, perhaps take a condolence card (perhaps the neighbours would like to sign too)and a small bunch of flowers

[LadyCG]

I thought you revelled in misery and calamity, Sqad?

[Maydup]

Take no notice of Sqad Barry, this is the very place to share your thoughts and ask for others in reply. Such sad times.

I too would call on Mrs Joe and explain that she only has to knock if she needs a hand with anything as I’m sure you wouldn’t mind helping her if she needs it. She may not have been the warmest of neighbours but she will be pleased to see you this time.

[barry1010]

We have decided to visit tomorrow. Thanks all.

[choux]

barry, you do come over as a sensitive and caring soul, so I am not surprised you have contacted your neighbour - good for you. 2 funerals is not a good thing to have going around your mind. I have done 2 on consecutive days and it is very difficult. I hope that both families can pick up the pieces and find some peace in time.

[MissTerious]

Yes do visit Barry.

[10ClarionSt]

Don't go bashing squad you folks. I get what he's saying. We seem to have had a year of losses on here which is a bit scary. I know. I know. In the midst of life... etc etc

[MissTerious]

I don.t go to funerals any more. (or christenings, or weddings) Each to his own, but I don't want a funeral when I die and I know my close family of only 3 people will deal with that much better than having loads of people turn up.

[TheWinner]

I've been to loads of direct to Crem funerals. (Unless they say family only). There is usually a small service at the "chapel" at the Crem.

[MissTerious]

I wouldn't want a service by a stranger. I conducted my mothers short and sweet service and it worked well. Much more personal and without any vicars or celebrants. But I suppose it depends on what my family wants 'cos I wont be there. As long as it involves The Killers and Coldplay though......... ;o)

[barry1010]

I was referring to the new style of direct to crem funeral where the cremation may take place many miles away and there is no service or even facility to hold a service. These crematoria are usually privately owned. Not even close family attends

[MissTerious]

A bit like animal crems Barry. I can understand wanting that especially those that have no faith beliefs. The last thing I would want would be having to talk to people at a loved ones funeral. But I think visiting the bereaved after a funeral is a great idea. Very often people feel very alone after preparations for funerals and the final funeral and it's then that they would like some company.

[MissTerious]

My mum held a service for her gentleman friend in her garden and his ashes were scattered over newly planted roses. Then we all had tea and cake and it felt right

[Peter Pedant]

// AB is becoming and has been for a long time now, a website of misery and calamity.//
well blimey that is Dr Happy for you

yes visit - it is not intrusive
and should it ( how unlikely) be unwelcome you will know by the " what do you want?" opener