Dating As A Muslim Girl

[Lululemon2112]

Hey I’m a Muslim girl (I do not practice but was born with Muslim family). Few years ago I got raped and that traumatised me a lot and held me back from getting in a relationship or even developing friendships it made my life hell. After years of therapy and shadow work I know want to for the first time in my life get in a relationship that will lead to marriage. I met this guy he told me he’s traditional. I told him I drink and I’m not really practicing he didn’t have a problem with it but he did mention he’s traditional. He’s very serious but I’m so scared that if he finds out I’m not pure as he’s thinking he will leave me. And I also have been overthinking that what if he thinks I’m lying and I sleep around and etc.
I’m so worried that no one will accept me for who I am because I don’t have piece of meat

[LadyCG]

You've posted the same question twice which is against Site Rules.

I don't feel I'm qualified to answer your question (not my strong point) but hopefully you will get some good advice.

[Old_Geezer]

If you don't tell folk they won't know.

But were I you I'd think very carefully on what the mismatch with someone "traditional" may lead to.

[barry1010]

This is your first relationship after your trauma, I believe.
That is a massive thing and you should be taking things very slowly, enjoying his company but not falling too much quickly or too deeply.
If this relationship has any chance of lasting you have to be honest with him. If he can't cope that is his failure and not yours.

You have now proved to yourself that you are able to enjoy a relationship but you must not settle for any man just because he is there

You also need to consider what will happen when children come aalong because you have very different attitudes to your faith.

[naomi24]

If he's 'traditional' he'll want a 'traditional' wife - not one who drinks and doesn't practice the religion. Perhaps you should look for a different boyfriend. Anything less doesn't bode well.

[Bazile]

I'm no expert either

However if he's a traditional Muslin even if he doesn't mind ( which is unlikely ) what will the rest of his family and you family think , if your past situation should come out

[barry1010]

Have you met his family?

You have been through the most appalling trauma yet you have survived and are able to look forward to the future. That is an great achievement and you should be proud of yourself, not ashamed.
I can understand you not having a great opinion of men but you mustn't assume that most men will think you are 'not good enough'.
You don't need a man in your life at all, but any man you do consider having a serious relationship must be 'good enough' for you. You absolutely must be able to share your history with him or you will be forever frightened of him finding out.
Also our past colours our future and emotional trauma can affect the way we react to situations. Your man might, at some point, introduce you to a male friend or relative who triggers alarm bells with you, probably for no reason. If you have children you will worry more about some things than most other mothers, not necessarily a bad thing, but you might need your husband's support to gain perspective, a balance.
If you don't feel you can tell your boyfriend about your past he really is not the man for you.

[rowanwitch]

Dating as a girl of any persuasion can lead to travelling on difficult pathways. As someone with a little bit of experience can I just say relationships can really struggle if the differences are in certain areas, religion is very much the big one. That's because there will never be balance in the relationship. While having different hobbies and interests is fine taking a different position on what will be a fundamental issue in your lives will probably never work. If he relaxes his position to meet you in the middle ground he will struggle with his own faith And probably family too. And I think your terrible ,experience will be an insurmountable problem for both him and his family if they find out. You think it won't be possible for him to tell the first time.... What if you freeze up and have flashbacks, you will need a very good lie to hand to get through that. What if they find out through someone who knows what happened.

My advice is to find someone with whom you share common values, and with whom you can be honest before making a commitment so they can support you through the next stage of your life. They may not even need to be of Muslim background, but I think it might be better as you will avoid conflicts about child rearing etc.

I hope you find the right person soon and you go on to have a long and happy life together.