Pregnant While Father Of Baby Incarcerated

[kenzie1101]

Pregnant and father of baby is incarcerated.

Hey guys, I’m not sure if many can help with me with this topic but I am currently pregnant and due in June. The father of my baby was sentenced 13 months in prison back in October when I had first found out I was pregnant. I decided things just weren’t going to work out because I wasn’t aware of his full criminal background and wasn’t told how serious it was until he was already incarcerated. I have tried to keep things as civil as can be but it’s really hard for me to be able to do so, communicating over a prison phone and trying to figure things out on my own. My family has been the only ones who have helped me out this far and bought things for my baby! Meanwhile him and his family continue to stress me about how badly they want to be in this baby’s life but yet I am getting no help from any of them when I know they are fully capable of doing so. He has way more family than I do. I have sent out an amazon registry and told everyone things I may need. I think he tells his family not to worry about getting me anything that my family can do it.. if I’m being honest. But the question I am trying to get at is do I have to give him as well as his family updates on the baby while he is incarcerated if I don’t want to? When he gets out and if he decides to take this all to court is that something he can use against me… me not letting him or his family know anything about her before she was born or even for the 5 months after she is born?
I really hate to be this way but I don’t think it’s fair for my family to be the only ones contributing but yet they want to play such a big role in her life when they can’t even be here during the hardest parts of this situation.

[Redhelen72]

From your use of language it doesn’t sound like you are in the U.K. and as this is a U.K. based site I think it’s highly unlikely you will get an answer here.
I would suggest you seek legal advice in your country.

[barry1010]

First of all if you need help from his family - tell them. Sending out an 'Amazon registry' isn't enough.
However, if you don't want them involved with you or the baby after s/he is born it is unwise to ask them for financial help now. You need to decide what you want now and in the long term.
If you find it stressful speaking to your boyfriend over the phone, visit if you can and write letters to him. Writing is a much better way of communicating because you will have time to think about what to say and how to say it.

If you and your boyfriend can't agree custody and visitation rights he can go the court to let them sort it out once his paternity has been established. Far better to do it between you.
His parents can also ask the court for visitation rights once the baby is born.

Now is the time for you to think about the future and decide what is best for your baby long term. It is no longer about what you want, the baby has to come first.

[bednobs]

The best thing you can do now is concentrate on being healthy and sort all the other stuff out later. If you are uk, you won't even be able to put his name on the bc. He and his family might have doubts over parentage of course

[naomi24]

//If you are uk, you won't even be able to put his name on the bc. //

Really? Why is that, bednobs?

[barry1010]

I think bednobs is referring to the father being in prison but he can sign a statutory declaration of parentage form so the mother can put his name on the birth certificate even if he can't be there

[Samuraisan]

I think it's a bit much "expecting" help form either family. You got yourself pregnant, sort it out yourself.

[bednobs]

my understanding was unless you are married (whereby there is a presumption of legitimacy), if the father doesnt attend the appointment, his name cant go on.

[bednobs]

in fact i think there was a q on here i remember where the dad had died before the baby was born - they werent married and therefore could never be on the BC

[Redhelen72]

https://www.gov.uk/register-birth/who-can-register-a-birth#:~:text=Either%20parent%20can%20register%20the,baby%20was%20born%20or%20conceived.

[naomi24]

Thanks bednobs/RH. You learn something every day.

[bednobs]

i suppose it prevents randomers being named on a BC

[ladybirder]

Exactly bednobs. I tried putting Robert Redford on one of mine but ...

[calmck]

First you need to establish paternity, especially if there is a chance he might not be the father.
The child is entitled to support from both parents so you will need to pursue this in family court, if you are in the US.
Grandparents do not have automatic right to the child. That is up to you but you should not hold them to ransom by saying "if they don't help provide for the child then they can't see the baby.
There is no need to update his family during the pregnancy but you should let him know when the baby is born, especially if want monetary support from him