Some From The Daily Rag

[Hazlinny]

How did Mary and Joseph get their groceries delivered?  On a Lidl donkey.

You don't realise how old you are until you sit on the floor to wrap Christmas presents and then try to get up.

Just rang Argos to see if they had the game "Operation" in stock - apparently there's a two-year wating list.

Just bought a barge pole - thought I'd push the boat out this Christmas!

I recenly visited the National Railway Museum in York. Unfortunatey it was closed so I had to go to the National Bus Replacement Museum instead.

There are only three things which tell the truth in this world - small children, drunken adults and leggings!

If you want to change the World, do it when you're single.  Once you're married, you can't even change the TV channel.

Be honest, do you ever get road rage when walking behind people in the supermarket?

My pal spent all his money on a sex change operation - now he hasn't got a sausage.