The Wounds Are Still Fresh

[Milkjuggles]

It's been 3 weeks since a person that I thought really cared  and loved me "ghosted" me.

It still hurts everyday...It doesn't help any that we live in close proximity to one another. 

It doesn't help that unless one of us passes or moves...we'll have to see and randomly bump into one another for the remainder of our lives. 

No matter how many times I try to move on and think I'm making slight progress...All the emotions and hurt come flooding back... 

I can't even enjoy looking out of my window as I often did to relax...because most of the time I do, I see him either coming or going. 

My anxieties flare up and I have mini panic attacks when it gets closer to the time he is due home from work.

I feel used, ugly, disgusting,  and disposable.  Maybe it's my fault he lied and  ghosted me.

I feel like he fetishized me, and used me to experience someone from a different culture,  country, and disabled..who's convient and lonely.

All the women he follows on social media (before I blocked him) are of the same culture as him, big boobs, in shape,  feminine,  nicely styled, head full of hair,  nice clothes, nice teeth etc... poloar opposites of me. 

Maybe if I looked like them, and had an actual engaging life, he wouldn't have dropped me.

It bothers me that he is unaffected.  He's cheery and happy. Walks around smiling.  Had a good time with friends over his place last weekend. . 

It doesn't help that he leaves the window either open, or in a highly visible state, with the lights on when he's home.

I feel bamboozled.  I just want a happy ending with someone who genuinely cares for me. 

I had to endure a life of misery and pain, where's my happy ending to make up or convince me the suffering was worth it in the end??

Everyone that I've ever dated has done this to me. Pretended, ghosted me, some discarded me, and quickly got in relationships that lead to marriage.  

I'm tired of being taken for a fool and a toy. 

I guess I'm everyone's crash test dummy

 

I feel deep shame and embarrassment.

[douglas9401]

Okay.

[Smowball]

He must live incredibly close for you to know when he is home & that he has his windows open etc etc, so I can see that must be difficult. He clearly doesn't want a relationship with you, that much is obvious, & if you are finding things this hard the only thing I can suggest is maybe sending him one final message saying ok you understand that he doesn't want to see you anymore, which you are sad about, but could he at least tell you what went wrong so that you can draw a line under it. If he doesn't reply to you, which I suspect he may not, then you will have to just put it down to a relationship that didn't work out, and focus on the future. 

[Old_Geezer]

Time is always (part of) the answer. You think you are making scant progress but every little helps.

 

When you start to get overly emotional thoughts on this, then make an effort to acknowledge them, then try not to dwell on them but find something else to concentrate on. It tends to help.

 

I'd not hold too much importance on the women a man may look at of the internet, were I, you.  If one is looking for eye candy then those apparently attaining a standard unaccomplishable by the vast majority of people is obviously the ones who catch the eye. It has little to do with real relationships with real people met in real life. Don't beat yourself up comparing yourself to others. Long term, personality beats looks hands down.

 

When life deals you a blow, try considering it as a learning experience and look for ways to get back on track. There are plenty more fish in the sea, as the old saying goes. If one relationship doesn't work out, best you know soonest and then you've time to meet someone more suitable.

 

Good luck.