marriage

[mousey9t]

with divorce on the increase! do you think there is a secret to a long and successful marriage?what do you think makes your marriage work?

[Danni79]

I think good communication is really important, me and my hubby discuss everything even if its a really tough subject we work through it. I'm not smug we still argue (!!) but we never have anything huge to argue over as we've usually sorted all the big issues :-) x

[tubeway]

I have been married for almost 22 years now - I think that love communication and friendship are our secret. We are still happy and very much in love ( and an embarassment to our two boys)

[Ethel]

Tolerance and good communication.

[smudge]

We've been married 41 years & apart from the lovey dovey side of things, talking out any problems that may arise along the way & being open & honest, is the best way for a successful marriage. We've always worked as a team & by doing so, we've managed to get this far.

[undercovers]

an acceptance that the relationship will not be 100% perfect 100% of the time and a willingness to make an extra special effort to make things better if and when problmes occur...

[Craig007]

Only been married 3 years but my wife is also my best friend. That sums it up for me.

[noxlumos]

My first marriage failed because it was a power struggle from beginning to end so i made sure that wasn't going to happen with my second mariage. Treat your partner equally and give them unlimited freedoms. Communicate on all levels and respect each other and your differences and you'll not go far wrong. I love my wife beyond words and we both have huge faults, but none of that matters because we accept them.

[hammerman]

I wonder if Gary Lineker said that after 3 years of his 20 year marriage....which has just ended.

Things and people change as they get older. Priorites change and people can often drift apart. I don't think there's any one thing that you can say is the recipe for a good marriage.

[WendyS]

Compatability, friendship, tolerance and a good sense of humour when things go wrong (as they always do at some point or other). Hitting 40 years not out in September, so we must have been doing something right.

[josy]

We've been together now 27yrs and we've both hit rock bottom on several occasions over the last 20yrs and managed to pull thro, working together, its funny but when times get hard, really hard, our marriage seems to get stronger.

[smudge]

Hi Wendy - nearly as long as us then - can't be bad!

Also, a good sense of humour is very, important - it's certainly helped us get through life!

[smudge]

P.S. Happy Ruby Wedding Anniversary for September!

(We got married on 16 September 1964).

[smudge]

That was meant for Wendy.

[dancealot13]

Mousey9t- Fantastic question. I love hearing about couples that have survived over decades. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years. Im 24 and he's 27. He has a very strong faith in marriage and his parents have been married for almost 30 years. But my parents are divorced, although they were married for 19 years. I feel like we have a good understanding of the first steps in making a relationship work, but it's always good to hear it from people who have 'been there and done that'.

[shaneystar2]

We hit 35 years this Christmas and although we have had many a cross word over the years are still very happy together.
We suit because Mr:S is a stable ,calming influence on me whereas I tend to be quick tempered and rash !
You have to trust one another completely too and let each have their own space.Being good friends as well and be able to laugh at all the mud life slings at you.
Also once they have retired ...let them have free access to the dishwasher and wheelie bin management !

[Pippa68]

What undercovers said!

So many people get married whiolst in that 'flush' of love & when reality hits, the sex becomes boring or less frequent, and all those other 'mundane' things that happen in life they can't cope & take it as a sign the marriage is over.

My first marriage ended because my husband decided 'the spark has gone & I am no longer in love with you' he did say he still loved me but wasn't in love..which begs a question ;o) for the record in the last 11 years he has had around 8 partners due to that spark disappearing!

In the Lineker's case I would say that to be fair, they are parting as friends (as much as they can be). To be able to do that is an acheivement although I would question why Michele felt that their marriage had become 'stale' & they were living different lives. If this is the case then you should try & work at things..of course they may well have tried that already. What annoys me is that it seems career plans take precedence over making a marriage work. ..that is a terrible shame.

[WendyS]

Thank you in advance Smudge. Ours is September 10th. Think September was the most popular time to get married back in those days as for some reason which has long since vanished, you got the maximum tax rebate ! We were so hard up I remember posting the pre-signed claim for our tax rebate as we drove off on honeymoon. I was very miffed in principle when the cheque eventually arrived "addressed to my husband, even though it was MY tax rebate. I wrote & complained and unbelievably had to get my husband's written permission for the cheque to be rewritten made payable me. (Unbelievable how disenfranchised we women were in those days before Equality" arrived !). Then I paid the cheque into our joint bank account. Happy memories !

[lia*]

love, honesty, trust and communication

[smudge]

You're welcome Wendy - have fun!