anyone else have a loony dad?

[steve208]

well cant believe it im blumin 23 and havin to live at home till find a job that pays enough for me to move out.

Retreated upstairs as had enough of my dad shoutin at the smallest thing. Im really depressed at the moment so he is not really helping and hes always had a short fuse.

Everytime i say well if you didnt shout so much it might be nice cos it makes for such a walking on eggshells atmosphere. He says that i and my brother dont respect him but he cant take a joke and just flies offf the handle at anything.

I mean im very relaxed dont shout much and am quiet so he thinks this means i dont care about things...this is not true i just like to be cool and calm.

What am i going to do....id like it if he would calm down but me telling him things he just takes it the wrong way and says dont f**kin tell me what to do. Well id think wld be nice if he wld listen and realise it affects others the way he is.

[fat rascal]

not sure what to say steve, must be awful for you, it's a roll-over tomorrow night.. you might get a lucky ticket!!.....do you have any friends you could go stay with while things are tense?

hope things get better for you soon
xx

[steve208]

erm no dont have anyone to turn to. life in bit of a mess at mo

[fat rascal]

sorry to hear that , are you close to your brother?

[steve208]

not reallyme and him argue aswell. so yup really happy here!

was hopin to see a counsellor about depression but not got an appointment yet tho they said wld be in contact

oh well life goes on...nothing like happyness!

hey no matter some of us ...me just are not ment to get anywhere in life

[Dollie]

Hi Steve - Auntie Dollie here again. Awwww - your dad sounds like he's not having such a nice time of life at the moment. My son is 23 but he does wind me up and so I do shout at him. But the thing that draws us together all the time is when we go off for days out together and we put our differences aside. We'll both book a day off work together and go to the cinema or shopping. Perhaps you're short of a nice girlfriend - you never know Steve - this time next year you could be living with someone really lovely who'll pay half the rent and half the bills - make it happen chick - work hard and go out on 'the hunt' - you never know who you'll find that will 'take you away from all of this.' Good luck xx

[fat rascal]

hey don't be so hard on your self.... i'm sure this will pass, it just seems as if it won't..if you see what i mean?.. .. if you don't hear about your councilling soon give them another ring.

[beryllium]

huge amounts of best wishes Steve208. What jobs are you looking at or thinking about getting? how much are bedsit/studio house shares where you are?

I started off in a bed sit in Surbiton lol.... the woman who owned the house used to let her dogs poop everywhere, but hey ho....once the door was closed it was my space.

keep looking and hunting for a job that will get you out of there.....

B. :-)

[sixpence]

Is there any chance that he would read it if you wrote down how you felt about things? You could tell him exactly what you feel, and then leave him to think about it.

[steve208]

the hunt dollie?

Well as dad works during the week and me eves and weekends wld be hard to go out but maybe i dunno not something am bothered about at mo...am too low to do much at all in general.

perhaps i am short of friends and a girlfriend and a lot of stuff....but hey im not bothered right now...ok its bad livin at home and i hate it but i dont have the belief to move forward with life...given up and accept being stuck.

[steve208]

thanks sixpence...not sure about that. think tis prob best for me to keep low profile for while. dads lost the plot ok hes havin a hard time but hes always had a very short fuse...well lookin on the bright side he would not dare hit me anymore. used to when younger.

[beryllium]

ok.... ur 23. Your working so surely u are earning enough to get a flat share or house share.

Dont be down.

Can you call the samaritans? they are a voice on the end of a phone and they are very good.

http://www.samaritans.org.uk/

you can even e-mail them..... :-)

[Dollie]

Sorry Steve - 'the hunt' is an old fashioned Northern expression for going out to find a girl/boyfriend - you know - like Saturday night clubbing it etc.

[Dollie]

Steve - not surprised you are 'down' at the moment with your dad and stuff - have your started your counselling yet ?

[steve208]

well dollie i dont think id wanna go out at mo, dont have the circle of friends to be able to and would not wanna poor girl to have to go out with me the way i feel atm.

also working part time in a rubbish retail job while lookin for a better job. prospects for life are gime and i dont have the energy to go forward.

theres no way i can afford to move out...to get a cheap place like 400per month would have to move bout 3 stops up train line from me. earn bout 550 a month ish

[beryllium]

not all flat shares are 100 a week.

what area are you in? keep scanning the local rag, and dont be too fussed lol.....

listen. You are a man. having a rough ride but still a man.

Now, repeat after me....

I'm in charge!!!

B. ;-)

[Dollie]

Steve - I really want to give you a big hug - you sound so miserable. Been there myself in the past - bigstyle - but had to pull myself out of it - easier said than done I know. Ok so a potential girlfriend is not likely at the mo but if you could increase your circle of friends - maybe through work - it could be that a couple of them are able to share a flat with you. A crummy bedsit can be preferable to living with dad, if you're with the right crowd who inspire you and make you laugh. I really hope you feel more positive soon - there's only YOU can make that difference in how you live and how you choose to view your life. Doll xx

[beryllium]

steve...

with you working eves and weekends, can you get a 2nd job? to fit round the other job?

oh, and you've got us pixels to talk to.....

[joby1]

Steve, Been there , done that, My Dad was extremely violent to me and my Mum, (I am female), he didn't hit my brother. I have been to the depths of loneliness, ( still do sometimes), I got pregnant at 16, never told anyone, gave birth, got chucked out, had to make something happen... it could'nt get worse could it?? That's my point,, it didn't get worse, it got better and better and better!! My first son is 19 now, I married his Dad and 2 more beautiful kids. Life is a struggle, but it's YOUR life, go for it!! xxx

[dot.hawkes]

It is Father's Day in a week or so, take your Dad out for a pint, get to know him as a friend, and thank the man upstairs u still have a Dad to shout at you.:)x

[SaxyJag]

I think no matter how much you tell him, he's not going to stop shouting and ranting just like that. Neither is he going to react well to a well-meant joke, so I wouldn't even bother trying to make them to him.

However, he clearly has a problem with something in his life and he's taking it out on you. What's he like after a drink? If it's not a problem, then why not take him out for a pint and see if you can have a quiet chat. Maybe start by discussing something mutually agreeable (football?), or voicing a small 'problem' that doesn't really affect him (like asking him about something he knows to settle a work argument or something.

Do you have any interests you could absorb yourself in? It would maybe get you out of the house and your dad off your mind for a while.

Also, I find the best way of treating shouty people is not to get shouty yourself. Answer them in a normal voice. If they want to hear you, they'll have to quieten down.