Too late to be tactile?

[Scarlett]

Okay, I would really value your opinion on this!
I am not a tactile person. I've been single for so long that I am out of practice. Plus I am a teacher so you spend all day everyday NOT touching people! And also I am a reserved kind of person. I tend to need someone to be tactile with me first. It's like I am wearing a suit of armour the whole time. My family aren't tactile and I have NEVER hugged either of my parents.

The thing is, I am sick of it! I have a maie friend who I adore, and I really feel sometimes like being tactile. However, since I have never done this with him, I feel it would be too late or too "weird" to suddenly start. He is tactile with our other friends but never with me- I presume because he has got vibes off me that I don't like it.
What should I do? I would find it very hard to sudddenly start being tactile, but I feel quite wretched at seeing my other friends doing it so easily. I feel like an island!!
THANKS

[Rubyrose]

I am totally the opposite and I think I must give off some kind of vibe that its ok to touch me as people do! I don't mean in a pervcy way although I get that too but like at work I was chatting to one of the girls and she grabbed my arm as she was telling a story and as we were laughing he put her hand on my arm and stuff! I get it all the time and I do it alot too... I'm a very touchy feely person...
I think if you don't want to be like that anymore then just go for it... what exactly do you have to lose? Nothing! Just do it... its no big deal.... you need to know the appropriate moments to do so though!

[whiffey]

It is very difficult if you have had a non-tactile upbringing, but it is possible to change. Get down the pub with him, both have a few too many and ask him to support you home !! You could walk very slowly and weave.

[skyep]

Try being tactile verbally to start with, see how he responds to a compliment or a thoughtful gesture to show him you appreciate him & work up from there :0)

[Ed Strong]

I know it is difficult if you don't come from a tactile family. I'm the only child and although I know my mum loves me to bits and would die in my place if given a choice, she finds it hard, and doesn't do touchy-feely.

However, they are your friends! Tell them just what you have told us and ask them to help you get over it, explaining that you will feel awkward at first and may even flinch away from their touch, but you will get there eventually even if you always find you have to make an effort. Good luck.

[WendyS]

If one isn't generally a tactile person, I think it's sometimes much easier to start developing the habit with a pet - perhaps either a dog or a cat. One doesn't have to be at all self-conscious stroking an animal and seeing how delightfully they respond. Once that becomes second nature, it's less emotionally complicated to transfer the same tactile reactions to a human being.

I find it so sad that teachers and others who work with children have been forced to become so politically correct by not touching to reassure or comfort them for fear of being accused of inappropriate behaviour. I think it's the most appropriate thing in the world to touch a small child in some gentle way as a sign of reassurance and I totally disagree with the way this has forced many adults to feel they are now in a straitjacket as far as relationships with children are concerned.

If you come from a family upbringing that has never recognised hugging or kissing as an normal expression of affection, it's probably very difficult to change your ways overnight. Perhaps you just have to run yourself in gently with a brief hug when meeting friends, etc. and once you feel natural and comfortable doing this, move on gently.

[Headless Rat]

I'm exactly the same. I've never hugged my parents and have started to realise that it's a bit sad to never have done so. I do tend to find though that people who aren't naturally touchy-feely can be dismissed very easily.
It feels like others think they can do whatever they want to you and think they aren't hurting you but they are...it's just that I'd never say anything or let them know.When really, deep down, I'd like to get a hug or at least have it acknowledged that i do actually have feelings the same as everyone else.
Well that's just my experience anyway :(

[Amara]

Hi Scarlett - I think you should try what has already been suggested and be honest with your friend - just tell him that sometimes you could really do with a hug and I am sure he will respond. It is a fact that children need to be hugged and that they can fail to thrive if they aren't, but so many people are afraid to do this nowadays. It's time to set yourself free and let the real, beautiful, loving you out of the closet. The best way is to attend a spiritual gathering/workshop/retreat where you are in a totally safe place to do this and everyone else will be totally comfortable with it. - release the goddess!!! - Much love and light - Amara xx