help with autistic man's violent outburst. plz

[suzanne84]

hello all. i dont really know where to begin but i will try to explain as best i can.
i have an older brother who is 27 and he still lives at home with us all. he wasnt diagnosed with autism/aspergers syndrom until he was about 19.
we knew he was special needs but because we didnt find out he was autisic untill he was 19 we got into bad habbits like shouting back at him when he got angry with us (for instance it would take us over an hour to make him have a bath and in the end we would lose our tempers with him because of the way he shouted at us.)or letting him sit in his room for hours and letting him get away with what he wants etc, we just wanted a peaceful life. but we now realise that isnt working. we have tried ignoring him when he shouts or abuses us but it seems to make him worse. it seems like he wants the bad attention. when we try to give him good attention he shys away into his room and dont speak to us. we realise that we as a family have to change as well as my brother but we dont really know where to begin. my brother goes out three times a week with his support workers and at first he used to come back quite happy and relaxed. but now it seems nothing we do makes him happy. we buy him dvds that he wants and computer games etc but still he gets upset and violent. his support worker suggested i come on this site to see if there are other people who might have ideas or tips on how to make him happy. any help or ideas will be appreciated. thank you in advance.

[DotH]

I could write u a book, my eldest son was 25 on Sunday and he has mild autism, I just have got used to giving him space, not pushing him to do anything and making sure if he has to do anything or go anywhere he is covered for any change in the plan, route, event anything, the slightest unexpected thing and he turns round and comes home. he has to be in a routine and whilst he is highly intelligent and extremely academic, slight problems can cause the most violent and aggressive flare ups. I have to say that he is improving and the incidents are far fewer as he gets older, he still loses things, breaks things accidentally but doesn't remember it being his fault, and can tell u every planet and star constellation in the heavens but does not know how to drive a car and says they are the tool of the devil and will explain at length about how cars will ultimately kill us, I have little advice except treat him as an adult and let him have space and keep things simple for him on a day to day basis.

[Belle Fast]

You should discuss with your GP refering him to an Learning Disability Psychiatrist to assess if he is depressed. If he isn't he could be refered to a LD Psychologist to give you tips on managing him. Don't blame yourselves - its a specialised area and most folk find it hard to know what to do for the best when someone with a learning disability (special needs) is having problems adjusting to life as they grow up.

[suzanne84]

hi all, thank you for your answers. it makes me realise we are not alone. my brother has got a doctor who sees him every six months or something and hes on tablets to calm him down and for depression but they dont seem to be working. maybe they need to up the dose? i agree with the statement about having a routine and having a relaxed house. it may be hard at first with visitors coming etc but they will just have to listen to us if we tell them not to be loud around him and stuff. if they dont like it they dont have to come up lol. i think i may have to sit down with my brother and try and find out what he likes and what he dont like about the way we do things. it might be hard but hopefully he will give us an idea of how he feels instead of us doing something and having him flare up at us and not knowing why. and also rewarding him for good behavour is something im really going to do. again thank you all for your comments :-) take care all.