i think my friend is trying to steal my life - any advice.

[GraceAnais]

i feel like my friend is trying to steal my life. it's not that she wants to be me ( in a kind of copying my clothes, haircut way) but it does feel as if she always wants a bit of what i've got. over the last year i've seen a real pattern emergng, especially when it comes to men. It appears that she is only ever interested in a man if i have some kind of connection with him, ex flings, men i like, male friends i've known for ages, male family members - you name it she's tried to get in there some way or other. The thing with the family member caused a massive problem as i finally snapped. but we sorted it out.

thing is that now i've found out she's been seeing one of my exs behind my back. i can't believe i have been so stupid as to not have worked it out and now i've realised that she has been lying to me for months; constantly quizzing me on my ex so to find out exactly how to worm her way in there. when we were together she was always saying how awfu he was - ugly, immature, player etc so why the sudden interest in him?
i haven't let on to her yet that i know what she has been up to and i'm not sure what to do. do have a right to be upset or am i just over reacting. i saw texts on her phone from my ex and she lied they were from someone else even though i still know his number off heart. it's the lying that i just can't take.
i hasten to add we are both in our mid twenties with professional jobs even if this post sounds like we're both 15 and still at school!
any advice or insight into this problem would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks Grace.

[Roughquest]

Wow, I got a bit worried then - upon reading the beginning of your post - it felt as though I could have written it ! THis is indeed worrying behaviour and I too am in the same situation with a friend of mine I have known just a year., she thinks she is gods gift and any guy she comes into contact with she tries it on with no matter of age, looks, status etc...its getting to the point of embarrasment and I introduced her to an ex of mine and she is still seeing him - thankfully i dont have any feelings for him anymore! But many people i have been talking to who know her say the same thing, one person had to stop inviting her to dinner parties and get togethers cos she tried it on with her husband and other male members openly flirting and taking items of clothing off - I think this is a insecurity issue here - and your friend needs help, please tell her to seek counselling as it is very destructive behaviour and needs to stop now. Otherwise she will end up being very lonely and desperate. My friend and i went out for a drink and a guy we were both interested in came over to chat, once my friend went to the loo he told me it was ME he was interested in - my friend went loopy saying 'whats she got I havent?' That says it all.

[oldwoman]

After all this why do you still use the word friend. Idon`t think this term applies to her. I have had friends for over 50 years since we were at school. These are true friends who you can confide in and know it wont be passed on, someone you can turn to when your`e in need. A true friend is a special person you don`t need someone like this in your`e life.

[dot.hawkes]

I don't wish to be confrontational as it is too pleasant a Sunday, but why would you say she was seeing an ex of yours behind your back? If he is an ex, he is nothing to do with you any longer, and what he does or she does is no one else's business is it?

[country_boy]

Any friend who lies to you is not a friend, I'd tell her I knew what she was about and tell her where to go. I'd probably let everyone else know too - but that's just me!

[Roughquest]

Exs are a mystery in this situation, depends on how one feels about it and how deep emotions still may run for an ex. You are right in so far as an ex is an ex for a reason, but whatever the reason its still going to cause some friction and in my opinion too close to home for a good friend to make a move on and get involved in a cast off....pardon the expression, but whatever hapened to loyalty also ?

[WendyS]

Sounds like the behaviour of a rather immature and insecure individual who probably admires your self-confidence and is trying to copy your behaviour.
However as you're obviously finding this kind of emulation strangling I suggest you try and wean yourself gradually away from this friendship, or at least be a lot less open in sharing your thoughts, feelings and information with her.

Your "ex" is your ex, (or do you still have some lingering affection for him which triggers jealousy if he has a friendship with somebody else) and she's not exactly poaching him, is she? However, if she can't be honest with you about the relationship perhaps you're better off gradually going your separate ways.