Boyfriends dad

[MiniN]

Hi my parners dad has lived abroad since my partner was in his early teens and has rarely seen him since. his dad used to phone him often but now never rings him or emails him directly but passes messages on to him through his brother.

His dad is coming to visit this week to see my boyfriends brothers 5 week old daughter and rest of the family, we are also invited for a meal. however he is only devoting 1 day and 1 night to visiting the area. Again my boyfriend only got told this through his brother.

getting to my question.....my boyfriend is obviously hurt by this but just says he's used to it by now. i hate to see my boyfriend hurt and we talk about everything else but he says he has no feelings on the matter now. is there anything i can do to improve the situation?what would you do if it was your partners family neglecting them?

[suzi-q]

I would just be supportive to him. Don't get involved in criticising his dad. He knows deep down how he feels but it won't help if you get mad on his behalf. Just let him make the decision on whether to see his dad or not and be there by his side if you can. And afterwards let him talk about it if he needs to. There may be many issues you dont know about that have led to this. Maybe the dad feels guilty about the way he has treated your bf in the past and finds it easier to stick his head in the sand and deal only with the other brother. Just be a shoulder for your bf to lean on.

[MiniN]

Thanks for the advice.

sometimes when your so close to a situation its hard to not respond emotionally without thinking, sometimes you just can't see the wood through the trees as the saying goes i think!

[janetsflower]

I guess its difficult for you bf dad to have a relationship with his son when there has been so much distance and time between them. They would long ago have run out of things in common to discuss because they are so many miles apart, i am like that with my own brother to a certain extent in that when we phone each other we don't have much to say but when we get together it is easier. My guess is that his dad is visiting the brother becuase his having a new baby is a good excuse to do so and will be an ice breaker/distraction and something for them all to focus on. If there has ever been a fall out between them then i have no doubt that dad is very much looking for ward to seeing your brother but you know what guys are, all stubborn and don't say what they are feeling. They will all appear frosty on the outside when they really want to give each other big hugs and kisses. All you can do is be there for your boyfriend, don't slag his dad off and try to break the ice between them, his dad is probably feeling just the same way you bf is feeling