What to do?

[arrggh]

Well lets start off with the story.My husband and i never fought.It was rare if we did.We moved to alaska which was the worst thing ever.Thats a story of its own.Moved back home.We were very bitter about that move.My brother ripped us off,we got robed four times,just an all around horrible place to live.The whole neg 60 degrees was not very pleasant.It took us four years to get back.But between us,we were more close,well i thought.Aug of 2006 my husband started to say some real mean things to me.I tried to talk to him about it and well the hammer came down on me.He said that he was very on happy.I never did anything with him anymore.I didn't go fishing or hunting with him anymore.He didn't love me anymore.He said that this was going on for three years.Well two of those years we had been in alaska still.We couldn't go fishing together,and well never really got into hunting.It was so high cost living we couldn't afford a babysitter there.And i thought that we were very close there.And going fishing i couldn't at the time when we moved back cause i had bursitis in my leg.Talking some more he said that he thinks that he may be depressed and thats why he is thinking this way. We took him tothe doctor and well he is being treated for depression.The pills work great.One day i told him not to tell me that he loved me unless he really meant it cause it hurt me more if it was fake.Since then he said it once out of a mistake.Now he doesn't want to have sex or even our little jokes that we would joke around about are not funny to him,he gets annoyed instead.He can still say things to me joking but i can't back to him.I used to work in a nursing home and had to work with people like this and worse.I know that depression is an illness and he can't help it,but i am torn up inside and have no one to talk to about this.So here i am,broken.

[ummmm]

awww...bless you. I don't really know what to advise. How long has he been on the tablets. Sometimes they can quite a long time to have effect.

[redcrx]

perhaps you could both see a counsellor? You are aware that depression is an illness and have dealt with people who suffer from it but maybe this is too close to home for you to deal with alone

[liquidspace]

I dont see that its your fault at all, his sudden downturn in mood is unexplained really and it is unfair that he is taking it out on you. Sounds like you are being loving and supportive. I know what it is like to live in a loveless relationship and wanting someone to feel something for you that they no longer feel. It also alters the balance of power, with you left wanting and him being the one who is controlling the atmosphere and withholding physical contact.

I dont know particularly how to advise you positively except to let him know that you are there for him and to let time and the medication hopefully improve things. Good luck.

[PinkFizz]

Really helpful answer MrBen!! not!

So are you saying you were very happy until you moved?

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i think my explanation was very helpful. Many more real men out there will agree with me too. You went out as a couple with different expectations. Those expectations were short lived and obviously realised that you were into different things. i mean i could be like others and fill you with loads of rubbish and say that its all his fault and that i totally understand and that i feel sorry for you, but in reality you have to play some part in the problems your having. i understand your upset, but feeling sorry for yourself never solves anything...

[arrggh]

Thanks MrBen!But your wrong.I am not feeling sorry for myself.Like i said i am torn inside.And yes i still do things with him.I still go fishing.Painfully but i do go.I love fishing.He doesn't blame me anymore.He knows its him.He can't do anything about it right now.He is still fresh on the pills and have to have them in his system for at least a year.I am just torn up about it thats all.And most guys who are like you, end up dead.From STD's because they can't stay true to one person.MrBen go to WebMd.Read up on depression.People who have it can't help it.Its people like me who have to deal with it and it sucks.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i think you are very misguided by my comments. I would stay true to one person and always have done. Also i am very cautious of who i sleep with. I dont think i need to read up on depression as its a mental issue. You obviously are very down at the moment and i totally undserstand you wanting to vent your anger out on me. But the real issue is your relationship. you can try as hard as you like to try to mend it, but unfortunately all what you are trying now should have been tried as soon as you suspected there was a problem. Obviously you must be evry controlling and cant let go, or are very emotionally unstable. But i strongly suggest that in order for you to sort out your'depression' , you need to discuss what is causing it. You can only blame so many people but if you look deep down at your life over the last few years i am sure you will see what the root cause was...

[arrggh]

Oh MrBen.Well you have it all wrong.I am not the depressed one.Everything i said is true.If you knew me in real life i am not an angry person.And there was no signs.Thats the whole problem.Things were the same since we met.He had hid it.Don't you get it.Once we came back from alaska the bitterness was going away because we didn't have to live in that hell hole.The bitterness was towards my brother whom left us homeless in neg 48 degrees when we spent all our money getting him up there with his wife ,and all the other rough times there.Its not a very easy place to live.We were strong for each other.If you live in alaska ,depressions is real big because there is no sunlight in the winter time.Prozac is givin out like candy there.All i am saying is i am torn up inside.I have to be strong right now for him and it sucks for me cause it tears me up inside.But i do it everyday.You make it sound like we are fighting and blah blah blah.....not true.Its the whole mood swing that i have to smile through and ignore the bad mood swing.There is no fighting.Its like he put himself in a box and only comes out to visit sometimes.