Bit Lost atm

[whereami]

Hello All on The AB,
I could do with a bit of advice from you all.
Yesterday I went for dinner at his mum and dads. Now then, his parents are both very ill, his mum with COPD and emphysema and his father having suffered a sub arachnoid haemorhage and a stroke several years ago. Last year his mum was in hospital at this time of year suffering with heart failure. They got her better hence the reason she is still with us this year.
After having a quiet dinner with them we were going to go and quickly visit his sister....and this is where the playing stupid games starts.........
Instead of us seeing his sis, she decides to come to the parents house without our nephew age 3 whom we see rarely and our step nephews and neice. She uses the 3 year old to play with my husbands feelings after we decided to move away. Over the phone it's a call like ahhhh, here's '...' and he misses you, and yet she never comes to see us we only go there.
Today, it was my turn to see my family and they are such a wonderful happy bunch, been through major health problems with dignity and still have a laugh, my parents live very far away and visit twice a year. and guess what? his sister called, and texted. My husband tried to call back 3 times and finally she answered the phone. He wanted to make sure all was well and she was rude to him and asked him what he wanted? he said she called him and she said oh yeah, you do know mum only has a year to live dont you?
Why did she do that? she found that out a week before christmas but didn't tell him till today.....almost a jealousy that he may have been enjoying himself.
The reason I am angry with his sister is this. I am going into kidney failure myself and feel I shouldn't tell my husband the extent as I don't want to tear him in 2. I go into hospital on th 31st but I will go on my own. I actually need him but don't know what to do.
Any advice truly appreciated.

[Theland]

Sit down with your husband and tell him all. You love him and he loves you. You are both the most important people in each others lives. Everybody else, no matter how much you and he love them, or are hurt by them, will have to take second place.
This is only my poor opinion, but I think i am right.
Right now you need the good and gracious advice of Carakeel, who I hope and pray will read your post.

[Theland]

Sit down with your husband and tell him all. You love him and he loves you. You are both the most important people in each others lives. Everybody else, no matter how much you and he love them, or are hurt by them, will have to take second place.
This is only my poor opinion, but I think i am right.
Right now you need the good and gracious advice of Carakeel, who I hope and pray will read your post.

[chicklin]

God! You poor thing. What a dilemma. I think you need to tell him, but I understand you feel he's got enough on his plate. If you've been expecting the worst about his mum for over a year now, he may already be halfway to coming to terms with that situation. But now you need support too so you shouldn't try to go through something like this alone. How would he feel if he wasn't there for you when you needed him - even though you took the decision for him. He may end up feeling he let you down. I think you should tell him. I'd want to know.

[hehehe]

I agree, if he loves you he will know how to spend his time and even though i am sure that he will want to see his mum- she has a year to live and that needs to be a brilliant year- however he should understand that u need him, especially during this difficult time...
talk to him, total trust and truth is the only way that you are going to help his mum, get past this 'spiteful' sister and look after yourself.
good luck and take care, hope all our advice helps! xxx

[divegirl]

Hi....have to agree with all of the above....mainly trying to say....honesty is the best policy and that you need support! And where is Carakeel when you need her?[She's some where having a lovely Christmas I hope]. You have a month until your hospital visit....so don't make any decisions for now....there is time to talk and sort things out. Lastly....would like to say....we're a motley [sp] crew on here....but we do care and are always here if you need to talk.

Be strong.

Lisa x

[daisy48]

Open up to your hubby whereami. Im sure you would want to know if anything was wrong with him. Be strong in your love for each other. Your sister in law is one spiteful and maybe jealous bitch. How she could hold back such important news I dont know! I agree with the other's here. Good luck. Daisy.

[noxlumos]

All of these good people are so right. Your husband has a right to know about the health of the woman he loves. Tell him everything and empower him by giving him the full picture so he can make an informed choice about everything he does. He'll really want to know, trust me, and the best of luck to you.

[chitchat]

I have never been one to burden my family with my troubles, only to see them upset time after time. My argument was that I didnt want to worry them. I now have to children who are teenagers and the thought of them not coming to me with a problem is awful.
Please speak to your husband about your health. I am sure he wouldnt want you to go through this alone. Would you want him to do it if he was in your shoes? I wish you all the best.

[whereami]

softly thanking you all for your kindness. I have now spoken to him, last night and this morning, and he has said he'll deal with it all as the time comes and he's coming to the hospital now. As for his sister, I will leave that well alone as if I think about it she's just stressed by the parent thing too. They do say we take it out on those closest to us and my husband has said her timing could have been better. He's a good man.

[chicklin]

He is indeed. Good luck to you both. x

[daisy48]

So pleased that you spoke with your hubby whereami and also with your brother in law. I sincerely hope you can now all lean on each other. Daisy x