A Night of Passion
A middle-aged bloke is just finishing work late one Friday afternoon, the only other person present is a stunningly beautiful twenty - something accountant.
They arrive at the lift together, when she suddenly turns and passionately kisses him. She says, "I'm not sorry, I've fancied you for months - please, please come to my place for the evening!". They buy a pizza and a bottle of wine, and straight to bed for a marathon evening of passion.
Eventually he glances at his watch to see it's gone eleven, "Darling I must go, my wife will kill me!" "Please my darling super-stud, just you trust me. Everything will be fine, I promise you! Just do everything I tell you to the letter" he reluctantly agrees, and she sees him to a taxi and gives him a can of beer and a stick of chalk.
At the front gate he opens the beer, spraying it over his shirt, then drinks the rest. He rubs the chalk all over his cuffs, then puts it behind his ear. He noisily opens the door and plants a big wet kiss on his wife's lips and says "Sorry I'm late,dear that beautiful accountant took me home and we made love all evening!".
She furoiusly replies "DON'T YOU BLOODY WELL LIE TO ME ALBERT STOCKTON, YOU'VE BEEN IN THE 'RED LION' PLAYING DARTS WITH TOM AND STAN AGAIN HAVEN'T YOU?".