My friend said to me yesterday that he wanted to be a drugs dealer. The following day he met me in town and i told him i had found a job for him. We walked through town and down a back alley. Eventually we arrived at the destination. Lloyd's pharmacy!
Posted it here because joke section is not very active at the moment.
Good, because that means i have a good chance of winning the joke contest at work. Its got down to the finals and i wanted to hear your opinion on the compotition.
The winner gets a holiday to the hawiyi.
Please don't tell me its funny.
Is this joke any good:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Also my backup joke:
A man walks into the first aid room at wimboldon.
MAN: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
my uncle used to work down the mersey docks, he was a diesel fitter, he got the sack though. he used to go through the shipments saying. ' dees el fit her '
A scouser walked into the local job centre, marched straight up to
the counter and said "Hi, I'm looking for a job".
The man behind the counter replied "Your timing is amazing. We've
just got one in from a very wealthy man who wants a
chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac twin daughters. You'll
have to drive around a big black Mercedes and wear the uniform
provided. The hours are a bit long but the meals are provided. You
also have to escort the young ladies on their overseas holidays.
The Salary package is �200,000 a year".
The Scouser said "You're bullsh*tting me!"
The man behind the counter said "Well you started it!"
Jimmy and his wife were visiting the vatican and took the tour, like you do, and he was just saying how well the place was being looked after and that the Holy father was the salt of the earth , when the Pope walks round the corner and jimmy says, 'Oh look, talk of the devil............'
A man goes into his local shoppe and asks to purchase fifty carrier bags. After the shoppe keeper enquires about the purpose of his purchase - the man says that they are to be used for body parts after he has cut his wife up into small pieces. The shop keeper chuckles and hands over the bags for a small fee.
The following morning - the man returns to the shoppe and asks for another bag.... Again the shoppe keeper enquires....
The man replies- "The ar $e fell out of one"
I never said i made up the joke, the idea of the thing was to find a joke that will make the boss laugh.
Non of the other idiots at work found the worlds funniest joke, but because i had already heard of it i was able to use it.
The boss won't know what it is he doesn't even know were Africa is. btw: cheers for your jokes, had a good laugh whilst reading them, not so good as i had trouble drinking my whisky.