Whats the best joke that you have heard recently?

[haysi06]

The dafter the better!

"I went to visit my friend who has just had a baby today, she asked me to wind hi but I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave it a dead leg"

That cracks me up!

Hxx

[sir.prize]

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, coffee in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "Woo Hoo what a ride!"

[Gill 05]

Skinny white man goes into a lift and looks at the huge black man already there who says 'before you ask,im 7ft tall, 350lbs, 20" dick, and my balls weigh 3lb each. Turner Brown,

White guy faints. When he comes to he asks the black man to repeat what he said. 'My name's Turner Brown' he said.

'Thank fcuk for that' say the white man, I thought you said 'turn around'.

[weeal]

when I was at the cashpoint today a little old lady came up and asked me if I woud check her balance....so i pushed the old git over

[haysi06]

ROFL! Thanks!

[Ice.Maiden]

Mwhahaha - Weeal!!

[weeal]

I saw your double today, I was sure it was you , I called your name but you just kept walking, scratching yer @rse and eating your banana

[sir.prize]

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice, "I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

[haysi06]

Always remember that a man is like a toilet....he's either FREE, TAKEN, UNAVAILABE, ENGAGED, OUT OF ORDER, TAKING THE **** or just FULL OF SH*T

[Myriad2112]

That's a ***** joke

[haysi06]

I should say that these jokes do not represent the views of the poster in any way LOL

[tiggerblue10]

Why was Tigger looking inside the toilet?



He was looking for Pooh!

[Ice.Maiden]

Apologies to those who've already seen this - but not ALL fellas are like that Hays - LOOK!!!!!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jCU9QRVuGo

OMG...I feel faint again xx

[mushroom25]

on Jeremy Kyle's radio show last week, he said that someone had texted in the following:-

- hey Jeremy, I thought I saw you mentioned on a loaf of bread in the supermarket; then I looked again and it actually said "Thick Cut"

[haysi06]

Hi Icemaiden - I KNOW but it made me laugh, thanks for the link! Good song.

[raysparx1]

Bruce forsyth in an old peoples home, goes up to an old lady and says, excuse me dear, do you know who I am? No love says the old girl, ask matron.

[weeal]

wife says to hubby "I had a wet dream about u last nite" he says "Really?" "Yes" she replies "U got hit by a bus and I p!ssed myself laughin"

[Gill 05]

lmao

[perigra]

what do you do if a bird sh1ts on your head?



















don't take her out again!

[weeal]

2 OAP's havin oral sex, he says "I cant stay down there it stinks" she says "its my arthritis" "wot in ur F---y?" "No in my arm, I cant wipe my @rse"

[meglet]

Text someone the following:

"I've just heard a naked man has been found dead in the park. He described as being very ugly and with a small penis. I'm just checking to make sure you're ok...."