Quizzes & Puzzles18 mins ago
Just watched Whistleblower about Day Nurseries and i'm interested in what others think about it?
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I am not surprised by what i saw but it breaks my heart. I used to work in day nurseries and my experience was not good. The ones i worked in were not even as bad as those shown on this programme but it was still soul destroying to work in them. They still had staff shortages and did not keep to ratios. Ofsted are a complete joke, they may as well not even exist. It's not really right for children under 2.5yrs to be in institutional care and definitely not in nurseries like the ones we saw on this programme, and there are many like that around. There is an excellent book called 'Raising Babies, why your love is best,' by Steve Biddulph. I recommend it.
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aims I avidly watched this show. I have a problem with Ofsted in general, re my question a week or two ago.
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Jobs-and-Educat ion/Question520383.html
http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Jobs-and-Educat ion/Question520383.html
I didn't watch the program aims but I sent my eldest son to a nursery when he was 1 yr old. I had post natal depression and couldn't seem to shift it. I had no outside help at that time, so I hoped that if he went to a nursery for two mornings each week, I would be able to work on myself. After the first morning, I went to pick him up and he was asleep, in a high chair, face down in a bowl of spaghetti bolognaise. That was the first and last time he went.
Several years later, I sometimes picked my neice up from the nursery near us. The place stank, the staff were very morose and she always had illness and nits frequently. It used to break my heart to go there.
There should be a system where women with young children are financially aided to stay at home with them, as most people only send their children to these places because they have to.
Several years later, I sometimes picked my neice up from the nursery near us. The place stank, the staff were very morose and she always had illness and nits frequently. It used to break my heart to go there.
There should be a system where women with young children are financially aided to stay at home with them, as most people only send their children to these places because they have to.
of course there are good nurseries and good people out there but this was really awful. With regards to people being financially aided to stay at home - I know everyone is different but because I cannot afford to not work and have children I have not had any - I think it is our own responsibiltiy to look after our children if we choose to have them. If perhaps someone is left on their own after having children or their situation changes in some way then that is a different matter. My mum did not work until we were at school - we did not have a priviledged life but grew up with lots of love and security. My sister has done the same with her kids - she did not make the decision to try for kids until they knew they could afford them.
My son went to an excellent nursery because I had to go to work, it sometimes felt like I was just working to pay his fees but I've now been able to climb the corporate ladder and we are reaping the benefits, without nursery care we would still be on the poverty line.
Interestingly we stopped at one child as we couldn't afford another, that is the sad truth of this country. Work and pay for everything or don't work and pay for nothing, whilst breeding like rabbits
Interestingly we stopped at one child as we couldn't afford another, that is the sad truth of this country. Work and pay for everything or don't work and pay for nothing, whilst breeding like rabbits
Sometimes I don't know why people say they "can't afford" to have children. Everyone did, in years gone by, and often made a terrific job of bringing up an entire brood on next to nothing. It only costs a fortune if you make it that way. If a huge mortgage and the latest of everything is the most important thing in life, then it's these people who shouldn't have children, because I believe that a child deserves to have a parent bring it up - NOT some nursery or nanny. Staying at home with mine, has brought us all great happiness, irrespective of what we may or may not have. Giving your time to your children is one of the most important things a parent can ever do, and do I get bored of the role? Not a bit of it.
i am 15 and was on the internet at the time my mam shouted me and said to come and watch it what i saw was discusting. the system should check pasports and credentials etc.
i couldn't believe my eyes i know for a fact the nanny cams are a great thing to have and the investigation has opened the publics eyes to what happens to the younger ones (i can't say much still a child myself).
i know that when i go to college and compelete my health and social care course if i get accepted to a nuresiery or any other childcare place i will deffinatly not be treating children like that.
i couldn't believe my eyes i know for a fact the nanny cams are a great thing to have and the investigation has opened the publics eyes to what happens to the younger ones (i can't say much still a child myself).
i know that when i go to college and compelete my health and social care course if i get accepted to a nuresiery or any other childcare place i will deffinatly not be treating children like that.
You are so right ice maiden, we now live in a world where 'things' and a certain lifestyle does matter to people, sometimes more than being with their kids. The facts are that the majority of parents who put their babies into day nurseries are actually the richest and they do have a choice. I know there are a few people who really do have to work just to afford to live and its these few who should have financial help from the government. We need to make parents feel that being at home and not working is a good thing and of huge value, not just to your child but to society also. And also to get rid of the idea that getting financial help is 'scrounging' or being lazy, because its not if you are doing the most important job in the world.
Aims and Icemaiden - you probably know from a previous thread that I agree 100% with both of you. I cannot understand why nurseries seem to be the norm these days. We were totally (I mean totally broke) when our children were little, but somehow we made do. Nowadays people are so much more materialistic. I wouldn't have had children if I felt I couldn't afford it without working.
Times have changed. Values have changed. We didn't have a scrap of new furniture, curtains, etc. for many many years after we married. We made do and mended. It seems that this isn't the case any more. 125% mortgages have, until recently, been available so that people can furnish their new home as well as for the bricks and mortar.
Having said this, if someone suddenly becomes a lone parent for whatever reason and has to resort to child care then I realise they might have to work.
Nurseries are no place for young children - they should be with a loving parent or guardian (and not a grandparent on a permanent basis). Society has broken down, in my opinion, because of this great emphasis on women working.
You can't give your all to a career and children. It's impossible. So make a choice!
Times have changed. Values have changed. We didn't have a scrap of new furniture, curtains, etc. for many many years after we married. We made do and mended. It seems that this isn't the case any more. 125% mortgages have, until recently, been available so that people can furnish their new home as well as for the bricks and mortar.
Having said this, if someone suddenly becomes a lone parent for whatever reason and has to resort to child care then I realise they might have to work.
Nurseries are no place for young children - they should be with a loving parent or guardian (and not a grandparent on a permanent basis). Society has broken down, in my opinion, because of this great emphasis on women working.
You can't give your all to a career and children. It's impossible. So make a choice!
Me again, on me soapbox.
Four years is not a great amount of time to give up to a child surely. Those first four years are the most important.
I went back to work part time when my youngest started school but was always there to take them to school and collect for many more years. Also, I did work in the evenings for a few hours to help make ends meet, but my children were left with their Dad.
Four years is not a great amount of time to give up to a child surely. Those first four years are the most important.
I went back to work part time when my youngest started school but was always there to take them to school and collect for many more years. Also, I did work in the evenings for a few hours to help make ends meet, but my children were left with their Dad.
loftylottie about the lone parent thing, i was on my own from when i was 6 mths pregnant with my son, who is now 5yrs old. I had to go onto benefits because there was no way i could go to work and put my baby into childcare, thats where i had worked before. we had very little money but my son has not missed out on anything, i have loved being a stay at home mum, we have done so much together. i know some think its wrong that i have lived off the state but it was the only way to give my son the best start. now he is at school i do work part time but i still think its important to be there to take him to school and pick him up.
I have known some single mums to go back to work because they feel they should, that others or society makes them feel bad for getting benefits. I have seen them struggle to do this. There are of course those who do abuse the benefit system and they give others a bad name, but these are a minority. There is so much pressure and help for single parents to go to work ,when instead we should be valuing them as parents and staying at home and also provide more places for them to go to with their children and meet others.
I have known some single mums to go back to work because they feel they should, that others or society makes them feel bad for getting benefits. I have seen them struggle to do this. There are of course those who do abuse the benefit system and they give others a bad name, but these are a minority. There is so much pressure and help for single parents to go to work ,when instead we should be valuing them as parents and staying at home and also provide more places for them to go to with their children and meet others.
I know that we have this argument before aims and everybody else, and I am also in the lucky position that although I worked, we could afford for my husband to stay at home with our children and still have a nice lifestyle. But what I feel that gets forgotten, and I am not slagging of single parents who live on benefits here, is that the parents who feel that they need to work and put their children into childcare should not be made to feel bad about it by poeple who are able to stay home on the taxes that they are paying.
Some parents will put their children into childcare because they would rather work than stay at home with them, I agree that that is really sad, and you wonder why they bothered in the first place. Others will feel obliged to work because society has encouraged them to. And I sure others have different reasons as well.
Putting your child into a nursery does not make you a bad parent. There will be many stay at home parents whose children would be better of in childcare because the quality of care they get at home is very poor.
At the end of the day it is horses for courses and we should be working to raise standards in childcare so that those who need or want to use it can be confident that their children are receiving the best possible care that they can get outside of the home setting.
I have no idea how we do this though!!
Some parents will put their children into childcare because they would rather work than stay at home with them, I agree that that is really sad, and you wonder why they bothered in the first place. Others will feel obliged to work because society has encouraged them to. And I sure others have different reasons as well.
Putting your child into a nursery does not make you a bad parent. There will be many stay at home parents whose children would be better of in childcare because the quality of care they get at home is very poor.
At the end of the day it is horses for courses and we should be working to raise standards in childcare so that those who need or want to use it can be confident that their children are receiving the best possible care that they can get outside of the home setting.
I have no idea how we do this though!!
Hi Aims.
I am not a great fan of American Psychologists. HOWEVER,.................................. Steve Biddulph is FANTASTIC. Another GREAT book of his is THE SECRET OF A HAPPY CHILD. It has been my BIBLE since I gave birth to my little girl 10 years ago.
I also aggree that OFSTED are a complete joke.
I placed my daughter into a nursery when she was 2 because it was the best in town. She did really really well (it was a private nursery if that makes any difference). The other thing I liked is that with a password, you could log into the room she was in (which was camered up naturally) from work and watch what she was up to from your computer. Although my heart ached to hold her, the alternative to work was Income Support.
I realise however, that not all nurseries are like this. You make very valid comments and I applaud you.
Well Done.
Katie.x
I am not a great fan of American Psychologists. HOWEVER,.................................. Steve Biddulph is FANTASTIC. Another GREAT book of his is THE SECRET OF A HAPPY CHILD. It has been my BIBLE since I gave birth to my little girl 10 years ago.
I also aggree that OFSTED are a complete joke.
I placed my daughter into a nursery when she was 2 because it was the best in town. She did really really well (it was a private nursery if that makes any difference). The other thing I liked is that with a password, you could log into the room she was in (which was camered up naturally) from work and watch what she was up to from your computer. Although my heart ached to hold her, the alternative to work was Income Support.
I realise however, that not all nurseries are like this. You make very valid comments and I applaud you.
Well Done.
Katie.x
The reality for me is that families of more than 1 child have children who grow up into older children and teenagers, all of which increases the strain on the household bills, whilst the youngest is still preschool. It is then that choices need to be made for the benefit of all the children and the family. It is not a black and white situation, women are not either workers or good mothers, in fact a good mother recognises what is best for her children and responds to that. If this means that she will be a happier person if she works then she will be more than likely a better mother than if she isn't working. If she finds the thought of working and leaving her child abhorrent then not working will make her happier and more than likely to be a better mother. As for fathers the best thing they can do for their children is to love their mother. (contraversial)
I accept that you all have your own opinions about this. I do not think that parents who put their babies into nurseries are bad parents. What i am saying is that our society has devalued the role of the mother and i believe that some go to work, not because they really want to, but because they feel they are not valued as much in society if they dont. It may also be that they are isolated if they stay at home, which is very sad and this could be changed.
I really think that parents are not shown the true picture of what some nurseries are like and what it is actually like for a baby in a nursery.
I do think that if a mother is much happier working then of course she should, but there are other options than putting a baby into a nursery, for a child under 2yrs a nanny or childminder is much better, better still a close relative or friend.
I have just today seen an advert in a parenting magazine for a private day nursery and school which takes babies from 6 weeks old. That makes me feel so sad, that nursery is saying to parents its ok to put a child that age into it.
The government does need to make changes to give parents more choice and be better informed. In this book Raising Babies he says the three things that need to change for parents are; paid parental leave for up to 3 yrs, guarantee back to work, flexible working hours. I hope one day they do this.
I really think that parents are not shown the true picture of what some nurseries are like and what it is actually like for a baby in a nursery.
I do think that if a mother is much happier working then of course she should, but there are other options than putting a baby into a nursery, for a child under 2yrs a nanny or childminder is much better, better still a close relative or friend.
I have just today seen an advert in a parenting magazine for a private day nursery and school which takes babies from 6 weeks old. That makes me feel so sad, that nursery is saying to parents its ok to put a child that age into it.
The government does need to make changes to give parents more choice and be better informed. In this book Raising Babies he says the three things that need to change for parents are; paid parental leave for up to 3 yrs, guarantee back to work, flexible working hours. I hope one day they do this.
Hi, I've not watched this programme, but have seen similar "nurseries from hell" type programmes before.
I certainly think it's a very difficult and controversial situation to be in. My husband and I both work and my daughter is in nursery full time, from the age of 6 months. We got into debt just scraping through maternity leave. I had to go back to work to keep the roof over our heads and food on the table, as simple as. We are in the "middle ground" - above the threshold to claim enough benefits to enable me to stay at home, but earn too little to be able to afford it on just my husband's wage without state help.
It's naive to think that women are desperate to get back to work just to pay for their lifestyles. For some it is unavoidable, as the benefits system seems to have fallen behind actual inflation and the true cost of living. We would love to have another child, but can't afford to, so my daughter will (sadly) remain an only child. Some single mums can't afford to go back to work, because the benefits they earn far outweigh any salary they could bring home and the problems work/childcare brings - it would be pointless. So it's a reverse situation, the benefit of which affords the luxury of being able to care for their children at home.
I must also point out that not all nurseries are bad. I scoured our area for nurseries until I found one that I thought was fantastic. I could not even think about packing her off to grandparents or a childminder, for fear of her being neglected, plonked in front of the TV and having little interaction with other children.
She is now 27 months old, very sociable, chatty and bubbly, loves her carers (and my husband and I like them too), has lots of friends and we have quality time together with her at weekends and evenings. Our daughter has thrived at nursery, and I would recommend her nursery to other parents. I guess that makes us lucky in that respect?
I certainly think it's a very difficult and controversial situation to be in. My husband and I both work and my daughter is in nursery full time, from the age of 6 months. We got into debt just scraping through maternity leave. I had to go back to work to keep the roof over our heads and food on the table, as simple as. We are in the "middle ground" - above the threshold to claim enough benefits to enable me to stay at home, but earn too little to be able to afford it on just my husband's wage without state help.
It's naive to think that women are desperate to get back to work just to pay for their lifestyles. For some it is unavoidable, as the benefits system seems to have fallen behind actual inflation and the true cost of living. We would love to have another child, but can't afford to, so my daughter will (sadly) remain an only child. Some single mums can't afford to go back to work, because the benefits they earn far outweigh any salary they could bring home and the problems work/childcare brings - it would be pointless. So it's a reverse situation, the benefit of which affords the luxury of being able to care for their children at home.
I must also point out that not all nurseries are bad. I scoured our area for nurseries until I found one that I thought was fantastic. I could not even think about packing her off to grandparents or a childminder, for fear of her being neglected, plonked in front of the TV and having little interaction with other children.
She is now 27 months old, very sociable, chatty and bubbly, loves her carers (and my husband and I like them too), has lots of friends and we have quality time together with her at weekends and evenings. Our daughter has thrived at nursery, and I would recommend her nursery to other parents. I guess that makes us lucky in that respect?
I am going to say something here that will make me unpopular. If you really cannot afford to have one parent at home with a child for the first few years of it's life then don't have a child.
The person who counts the most in the decision to have children is the child. Parents come very much in second place. You can't have everything you want in life. Having children can mean making terrific sacrifices.
I would also say that a lot of rich people have children and farm them out straightaway to nannies. I also disagree with this as well.
The person who counts the most in the decision to have children is the child. Parents come very much in second place. You can't have everything you want in life. Having children can mean making terrific sacrifices.
I would also say that a lot of rich people have children and farm them out straightaway to nannies. I also disagree with this as well.
