Glesga stories

[adamhornsby]

some jokes a friend told me:
This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record newspaper when his wifesneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan."Whit wis that fur?" he cries."That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser pockets with the nameMary Rose written oan it "Don't be daft," he explains, "two weeks agowhen I went to the races Mary-Rose wis the name of one o' the horses Ibet on."She seems satisfied and apologises, and goes off to do work around thehouse.Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nailshim again with the frying pan, knocking him out cold.When he comes around, he says, "whit the hell wis that fur?""Your horse phoned!" she said.

A wee Glesga man and a woman who have never met before find themselvesin the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initialembarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the topbunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night, the woman leansover and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm freezing and I waswondering if could possibly pass me another blanket."The man leans out and with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a betteridea, let's kidd-on wir married!""Why not," giggles the woman."Good", he replies. "Get your own f*****' blanket!

A Glesga woman from Glasgow 's west-end was staying in a hotel inEdinburgh , she phoned room service for some pepper."Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge."Toilet pepper!" yelled the woman!

A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's beengiven a part in the school play."Wonderful. Whit part is it?"She asks.The boy says, "I play the part of the Scottish husband."The mother scowls and says, "Go back an' tell that teacher you want a speaking part!"