Pregnant Friend and her nasty partner...

[Spcl22]

One of my closest friends (H) text me last night as she was feeling really low, her mum died 6 days ago and she is trying to deal with things...

She is currently 24 weeks pregnant and absolutely over the moon about it.... I saw her on Monday and she was telling us girls how happy she was about the baby and that it was really helping her deal with her mum's death. One of the girls asked how her chap (S) was being.

H said that he was being wonderful (we all kind of looked at each other as S does not have a past of being wonderful, far from it.... cheating on H/hitting H/mental abuse towards H/smashing up house and much more).....

But... last night in her text she explained that she had deliberately lied as she felt stupid but wanted to tell me the truth and ask my advice.

H told me that S was being nasty and keeps telling her that he does'nt want the baby, he doesn't care for it, wants nothing to do with it (they live together in her house) and the only reason he is still there is because he loves her.

Her text worried me as I'm concerned she is dealing with loosing her mum, being pregnanty and taking this behaviour from S.

Anyway, I text her back and explained that she is going through so much at the moment, she needs to put her and her baby first. She needs to try and keep calm, not get upset or stressful.

I pleaded with her to put S last for a change, forget he around at least until she has attended her mum's funeral, then take a serious look at what is going on with her relationship and make a decision from there.

I really just tried to encourage her to think about her and the baby....

Is there anything else that I can do to help?

Help......!!!!

[Octavius]

Just let her know that you are there for her when she needs you, but other than that that is all you could do really.

If the partner is being particularly abusive, violent etc. then you could report him, but you need to be absolutely convinced, and clear on what impact that might have for her in her grief, and generally for her relationship/child. By that I mean she may well deny everything and hate you for it.

Tread carefully.

[MiniN]

what about asking her to move in with you for a while, whether that is a few days/weeks or longer, until she gets her head straight.

Tell her that she needs to take a step back from her relationship with S so she can figure out what will be best for her and the baby.

be a supportive friend (like you are being) and make yourself available to her whenever she needs you.

[lubecki161]

This is always such a difficult situation the ONLY person who can help her is herself!
You can tell her till your blue in the face that she needs to leave him and that he wont change and she can be almost dead till she realises its time to go but sometimes not even then!
Just tell her you are there for her and you will help her 100%

[redcrx]

sounds like youve got it well covered, whatever you do dont force her to do anything she needs a clear head to make her own decisions.

Keep the lines of communication open and talk to her all the time.

She needs to try and put her and her baby first, but in many cases women stay with the men because of a fear of being able to cope alone. Try and discuss this with her and see if she can afford to live alone etc should he leave.

In my opinion he sounds like a real s0d! What git would say he loves his partner but doesnt want his baby!!! grrrrrr

[RevFunk]

Without meaning to sound nasty why on earth did she allow herself to get pregnant by this bloke???


Whay sort of life is the kid going to have with a father like that?

I am constantly amazed at how people go into making the biggest decision of their lives with no thought whatsoever