Serious Dilemna

[Drisgirl]

I have been invited to an Evening Reception.

A couple we know well -I know one better than the other -previous :)

I am on my own but the hotel is literally just a minutes walk from me. -do I brazen it and go for half an hour and play down my attire -smart but not wedding or should I go dressed for a wedding reception and stroll in (knowing that i will know people thats not a prob).

I seriously dont want to ignore this as I ignored other invites (birthdays/engagements) and now its a wedding but I dont know how to handle it-.even my daughter is like mum -yikes i wouldnt know what to do !!

I am on good terms with both but she knows there was previous so is wary -what a bleeding dilemna.

Theres been words said from him to me recently which he wanted an honest answer to and I couldnt cos I didnt know what he wanted me to say -think it may have been wedding nerves.He stormed off and I was left floundering.

Genuine advice please or i'll put it in B and S lol

No seriously.

[~max~]

So, you had a "thing" with the man?
It depends....does the lady know about it? If she does, and still invited you, then I'd go for maybe an hour, just to congratulate them and show that everything else is in the past.
If she doesn't know, then I don't think you should go, personnally. If the lady hears about it afterwards, she might come to the conclusion you went there to see her husband, and that will spoil her memory of the day for her a bit.

[Drisgirl]

She knows -and she knows the craic so to speak -so maybe an hour just to show face -not 'dressed' up -but tidy -what do you think?

[theonlyone]

Just go and show your face and then
depart ...as least you made the effort ...

[Barmaid]

Dris

I would put my glad rags on and go with my head held high. I have been in a situtation (regularly) where a chap with whom there is "previous" invites me to dos. I go, I am polite, charming and conduct myself with dignity. Because of our previous history, his happiness is important to me. But I am prepared to rise above the past and show that I can conduct myself with grace.

Given that it is only a few minutes walk, you can always come home if you feel out of sorts, but you may well feel that you can stay given you have the safety net of living just a hop skip and a jump away.

I am in a similar situation. My friend from college (whom I have not seen for 20 years and whom because of my ex husband I stupidly fell out with) is getting married in December. I suspect as an olive branch she has invited me. I will not know a soul at the wedding apart from the bride and her parents and it is 2 hours drive from here. However, I am planning to put the face on, put the glad rags and go and wish her well. (I will however, arrange to stay with my parents or a friend in case it is terrible).

Go for it lady. You never know, you may even enjoy it!

BMx

[Drisgirl]

Think thats what i'll do -I woont put wedding clobber on but will be nicely presented -will wish them bith well -man they were at our our house a few weeks bacjk but she still cant help herself so I dont want to ruin their day after him coming after me -no clue-bit nervous about that but ,maybe drink played a part -well we''l see !!

Thanks for your input -it is a dilmena as we are all superficially friends -2 deeper than the others if you know what i mean -o man the tangled web we weave !!

[~max~]

I think that's the right thing to do, Dris. Just show yourself, be polite and wish them well.....do NOT get trollied though! lol
If you didn't go, then it would look suspicious to her maybe.
Have fun!

[B00]

Sorry, im going to disagree with everyone else here.

You claim the 'previous' you had was fairly recent? If so, leave well alone. You turning up will only achieve you saving face and it's their day after all, not yours. Let them have it.

[~max~]

Fairly recent?? As in, they were already together, and you with your man, and he came on to you, and she knows about it???

If so, I didn't get that from your posts....I thought that was some time ago and they weren't together at the time!

If it's the case, I woul folow Boo's advice too, actually.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i agree with BOO. If this situation with this guy happened very recently , there is potential there to ruin things if you turn up.
After all, you wouldnt want to spoil it for them would you...

[Myriad2112]

Why do people do that? It's happened to me twice now, So obvious that it's going to be difficult for at least two of you. Don't go.

[Drisgirl]

No Boo -not recent but she knows about our previous and feels intimidated as I finished it with him -so she always thought there was a spark from him as it was me who finished it and she took up where I left off.

Its civilised but its obvious that the feelings on one side are still there -and I think she knows it but knows that I am the only person she has to be intimidated by -in fact she has told me that -and she knows she has nothing to fear.

Its the fact he cornered me a couple of weeks back and then because I couldnt or wouldnt give him the answers (?? -too cryptic for me) that he was searching -he went up the road and left her on her own -she came out and saw us having this heated debate -but I have spoken to her since -but we have ignored that -I was on my way up the road anyway.

Its cr@p this getting involved malarkey -not so much getting involved but when one will just not let go -everytime he speaks to me -I have to make my excuses.Its tough but I dont want H nor her involved in history which I would rather forget.

Maybe if I dress downish -just a nice blousey thing and leggings and boots so she is the princess and i just look like im out on any given night then she'll feel special rather than me dressing up in a dress and stillies type thing.


Max-I will stay off the wine NOW -lol.

Think i'll go cos they were just up at ours a few weeks back and it would seem like I was deliberately not going for a given reason -here I might get marched right out since I didnt give him the answer he wanted lol !!!

[DaisyMae]

Ooo!!! This is dangerous ground. I would ask myself just what I would do if the position was reversed. I honestly don't think you can add anything to the happiness of the day for either of them and for that reason I think you should stay away - have a dipolomatic migraine or a business meeting you cannot avoid. Send a card by all means, but don't put in a personal appearance. It might be OK but it might not and I doubt it would be worth taking the risk.

[Sachs]

I wouldn't go Dris xxx

[B00]

It' doesnt matter if you dress as if your going to a ball or dress in sack-cloth and wellies Dris.

I'm sorry, but you turning up could potentially spoil their day. I wouldn't want to do that to anyone and I'm sure you wouldn't either.

Let them have their day-send a card instead, wishing them both well.

[Drisgirl]

I already did that -sent the card that is -why do things have to be complicated.

We even went on holiday with them and it was fine.Thanks for all your advice -she-ll wonder why I didnt come and think it was to do with me and him rowing o eff -it isnt and wasnt .

[Myriad2112]

Don't forget to enclose a pair of knickers :)

[lorri24601]

maybe send a card thanking them for the invitation,but saying unfortunately you are away that weekend and you hope they have a lovely day.

[Drisgirl]

O should have said the reception started at 7pm tonight-thats why the dilemna was urgent lol

[Barmaid]

Wel get your ass in the shower and get down there!!!!

[Drisgirl]

I bloody did it and there was so many people there I knew it wasnt a problem.
I was within a minute of arriving -dragged up to 'Simply the best' and that- if any Scottish people know- was no mean feat for a Celtic man to do it.Think I have photographic evidence.

I spoke to Bride and Groom -more Bride it has to be said but they were both really chuffed to see me.

Managed to spill a drink over someones dress and took the DJ up the road for a wee bottle of beer cos I felt sorry for him -seriously-he's a bit of a poor soul and he had a load of probs so I did my Auntie Dris - he was really pleased -bizzarely -dont think he gets any attention at all -he was only here half and hour and that really encompasses my night until someone jogs my memory.

Stupid thing -I woke up on the couch -with 3 pillows and my duvet -why didnt I just go to bed -it would have been far simpler lol