put downs, come backs, one liners

[joggerjayne]

When we have posts about put downs, I always forget this one.

As a bit of a Casino fan, this is my favourite Kerry Packer story ... quite a well known anecdote. Apologies to those who've heard it before.

Kerry Packer is sitting at a table in a casino. There's a guy nearby, bragging loudly and flashing his money around, causing a bit of a commotion.

It sounds as if you're not short of a few dollars, says Kerry.

Sir, says the loudmouthed American, my company is worth One Hundred Million Dollars.

Really? says Kerry, sounding impressed. A Hundred Million Dollars?

That's right, Sir, says the man.

Kerry reaches into his pocket, takes out a coin, puts the coin on the table, and says ... I'll toss you for it.

(Needless to say, the other guy slunk away)

[jno]

all hat and no cattle, as Texans say...

[joggerjayne]

Nice one, jno.

robknot, I remember that ... it was something about once you get past the first two inches it's all unexplored territory, or something like that.

x

[Bathsheba]

A good one-liner from a few years ago has always stuck in my mind....on the lines of "is the Pope a Catholic?" , is
"does Rose Kennedy have a black dress?".
Bit tasteless, but clever, i thought :-)

[mightyWBA]

Theres the famous cricket one when Australian bowler Glenn McGrath asked Zimbabwes Eddo Brandes during a game why he was so fat.
"because every time I sh@g your wife she gives me a biscuit" he replied.

[ChuckFickens]

I lIke the Muhammad Ali one,

he was flying somewhere and the seatbelt sign came on but he didn't put his belt on so a stewardess approached him to ask him to fasten his seat belt, Ali replied "superman don't need a seat belt" to which the stewardess replied "superman don't need a aeroplane either"

[sara3]

back in the days when I wore contact lenses (I was lasered years ago) I had a problem one day and had to wear my glasses to work. we had a big meeting, and this smart arse at the other end of the room shouted, "your glasses make you look really intelligent!" everyone turned to look at me and, although I was bright pink, I managed to reply, "thanks, you should get yourself a pair".

[ChuckFickens]

Thats a good one sara,

there is the classic old Winston Churchill one when he had been drinking heavily and somebody said to him "Mr Churchill your drunk" and he replied "and madam you are ugly, I'll be sober in the morning"

[joggerjayne]

These are all very jolly.

How does being lasered affect your eyes, sara?



Oh, hang on ... laser ... eyes ... okay, now I'm with you.

[John-Steed]

I remember once being asked if it was my brain i was using or am i breaking it in for an idiot at an important meeting, the latter i replied, it will be ready for you in about a week.

[Theland1]

Churchill to Bessie Braddock.

[sara3]

Jayne, bless ♥

leery man approaches a woman at a bar.. "fancy a drink?" "forget the drink, how about going back to your place?" "great!"
"well, go on then!"

[Stephen_G]

My favourite, from Sid The Sexist, the silver-tongued cavalier of Viz magazine.....

" Just cos' you've got lots of hair on your face, doesn't mean you can talk like a c*nt!!!!! "

[joggerjayne]

Sara, I'm going to remember that

(not that I'm ever likely to need it in Brighton)

[sara3]

nice one, Judge :o)

my ex had the Viz book, Profanosaurus Rex. one of the funniest books ever!

[ChuckFickens]

I've got a copy of the viz book Roger's Profanisaurus

[Stephen_G]

I've actually used that on someone, sara (" Just cos... "). Works a treat
;-)

Another one from Roy " Chubby " Brown " I thought I told you to stay in the van and bark at strangers, you ugly tw@t "

[joggerjayne]

Erudite !!

[Aprilis]

Another Chubby Brown one...

Looking for digs, he asks a Blackpool landlady, 'Can I look round?' She replies, 'You already look round to me you fat b@st@rd!'