Compromised Christmas

[Velvetee]

My 82 year old mother was coming to stay with us at Christmas, but a couple of days ago, she said she thought it would be too much trouble, what with the long journey, (We're 50 miles apart) and also she was concerned things would be too much for me, now I'm pregnant.

I don't think my miserable sister wants her at her home for Christmas, even though she lives 5 minutes away from her and I feel so sad and guilty at the thought of my poor old mum being all alone on Christmas day.

What can I do to make things nicer for her or make some kind of compromise, where we can still have Christmas with her? My partner doesn't want to spend Christmas driving, as it's probably the only day he gets off completely, all year.

Thanks

[lil75]

I would ring your sister and tell her what you think...whatever the outcome, I would not leave my mum on her own xmas day, thats not nice for anyone...hope you can work something out!

[tigerlily11]

OOOO don't get me started. I've had it up to here with my mother in law and my sister in law.

[weeal]

would all the travelling be done xmas day tho? could he pick her up day before and take her home 26th so he can have a drink xmas day?

[LoftyLottie]

At 82 a lot of elderly people don't want to travel and actually do anything to avoid it. She perhaps doesn't want to come and is being kind by saying she is not coming because it's too much for you. Was she going to travel down to you on her own or were you going to collect her?

Would your sister drive her down to you perhaps.

Christmas is so damn sad - not a good time at all is it!!

[cazzz1975]

I think thats a lovely Idea weeal, I would hate the thought of my mom alone at xmas

[modeller]

I shouldn't worry too much, many elderly people prefer to spend their Christmas in their own home rather than travel any distance especially as they know they may only be invited out of a sense of duty and they in turn don't like to say no and appear ungrateful .
You have to remember when you are retired Christmas is just another day and the last thing you want to do is to go out in the cold . A few more visits and telephone calls during the year is better than a one off invitation at Christmas. Give your mum some calls over the festive season its not the same I know but as you are situated its a sort of compromise.

[theonlyone]

Can your Mum stay over with you for a few days ?
Or you go and stay with her ?
Christmas !!! is it worth the hassle ?

[LoftyLottie]

Actually Modeller, you are right, my own mother has refused invitations to us on many occasion since she has been elderly and alone, because she simply doesn't want to come and doesn't mind being on her own at Christmas. She only lived a few minutes away.

I certainly wouldn't mind being on my own at Christmas either!!

[sqad617]

lofty......as usual you are spot on (are you standing in for Ethel?LOL) Why is it that people ASSUME that on Christmas day old people want to be surrounded by family, crackers, noice, drink and mince pies. I have seen old folks almost draqgged from their home screeming, whilst do gooders tell them "you WILL enjoy Christmas with us"
Velvetee....leave her alone.....please.

[carmalee]

she's 82 for heaven's sake. share xmas with her. wish I could do the same with mine but she died a while back.

[cazzz1975]

everyone is different, some older people want to be with people on xmas day, others prefer some p&q, depends which catagory your mom fits in velvet

[LoftyLottie]

Carmalee, you can't force old people to do anything they don't want to do. I have asked my mother again this Christmas (she is now 89 and in a care home). She simply doesn't want to come. I see her regularly twice a week, so I don't feel guilty about it. It's only another day to her, not particularly special any more, and she doesn't want the bother of it all.

[LoftyLottie]

And I would love her to come - I don't ask her out of duty!!

[LoftyLottie]

Ha, ha Squaddy. Ethel's stand in! Hardly!!

[bensmum]

I can see Lottie's (and others') points here. My mother is 80 and lives quite close so it's not an issue but her attitude is that it's just another day and she would much rather be in her own home without all the fuss. It's me who has the problem really as I don't want to think of her being on her own and I would feel guilty if she was left alone. Mind you I actually don't think I would mind being on my own come to think of it

[Velvetee]

Thanks everyone.

I don't get on with my sister, she's a very selfish, bitter person and has relationship issues with my mother.

My partner was going to collect her on Christmas Eve, she is quite frail and infirm and needs lots of care, including washing, dressing and helping to the toilet. She currently has carers 3 times per day. We don't have a downstairs toilet and she can be incontinent. This is why she felt it would be hard work for me. Also with all the cooking etc.

We can't go to hers as she doesn't really have the facilities, she lives in a very small one bedroom bungalow. I did suggest us going to her town and booking a Christmas lunch somewhere locally, but my partner insists that I start thinking about myself and current situation. I'd rather have nothing to do with Christmas, if I had my way.