Quizzes & Puzzles5 mins ago
Childrens rights
My 20 year old daughter has an 11 week old baby and they both live with me and my husband.
When she first found out she was pregnant the father didn't want the baby and wanted her to have an abortion without telling anyone. He then decided he wanted the baby and things seemed ok. He is named on the birth certificate.
She had a difficult pregnancy, baby was 4 weeks early, emergency caesarean. The baby has a severe intolerance to cow's milk and is likely to develop asthma, eczema etc it runs in the family..
The father spent only 2 days of his paternity leave here with her, in fact left her the day after the baby came home to go drinking and didn't appear for 4 days.
He does not pay towards the baby, just buys the odd bag of nappies. She supports the baby out of her SMP, child benefit and tax credits.
The paternal grandparents both smoke heavily as does the father and my daughter while happy for them to see the baby does not want the baby at their respective houses because of the smoking.
She also has asthma and has just recovered from pleurisy.
The father is claiming rights and that he can come and take the baby when he wants to where he wants (we know that because he is on the birth certificate he can have a say).but what about the child's rights to stay healthy.
Any advice gratefully received as this is not helping my daughters health.
Thank you
SMP
When she first found out she was pregnant the father didn't want the baby and wanted her to have an abortion without telling anyone. He then decided he wanted the baby and things seemed ok. He is named on the birth certificate.
She had a difficult pregnancy, baby was 4 weeks early, emergency caesarean. The baby has a severe intolerance to cow's milk and is likely to develop asthma, eczema etc it runs in the family..
The father spent only 2 days of his paternity leave here with her, in fact left her the day after the baby came home to go drinking and didn't appear for 4 days.
He does not pay towards the baby, just buys the odd bag of nappies. She supports the baby out of her SMP, child benefit and tax credits.
The paternal grandparents both smoke heavily as does the father and my daughter while happy for them to see the baby does not want the baby at their respective houses because of the smoking.
She also has asthma and has just recovered from pleurisy.
The father is claiming rights and that he can come and take the baby when he wants to where he wants (we know that because he is on the birth certificate he can have a say).but what about the child's rights to stay healthy.
Any advice gratefully received as this is not helping my daughters health.
Thank you
SMP
Answers
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hello, i'm afraid i don't know the lawful answer to your question but common sense tells me that if babies rights were above every parent that smoked, a lot of people would have their kids taken away and i dont quite think this country has come to that yet.
Out of interest, if they had stayed together to raise the baby, wuld she have insisted he didn't smoke, and how would she have enforced that? if they were living together, the baby would be being brought up in a smoking home.
Not sure the father can just come and take the baby whenever he likes but neither should your daughter withold contact from him. Unfortunately, your daughter chose this man to be the father of her baby, and this will tie her to this no-hoper forever! He can't just be denied rights because he smokes, or because she has decisded he is a dead beat.
Try looking on the positive side, at least he wants to have a relationship with his daughter. Has she been able to sit down with him an express her concerns over the smoking? perhaps there is a mddle way if they can see past the animosity
Out of interest, if they had stayed together to raise the baby, wuld she have insisted he didn't smoke, and how would she have enforced that? if they were living together, the baby would be being brought up in a smoking home.
Not sure the father can just come and take the baby whenever he likes but neither should your daughter withold contact from him. Unfortunately, your daughter chose this man to be the father of her baby, and this will tie her to this no-hoper forever! He can't just be denied rights because he smokes, or because she has decisded he is a dead beat.
Try looking on the positive side, at least he wants to have a relationship with his daughter. Has she been able to sit down with him an express her concerns over the smoking? perhaps there is a mddle way if they can see past the animosity
I don't know the exact legal answer, but I went through something slightly similar. I had to leave my daughters father when she was only months old as he was smoking (and not always normal cigarettes) in the house while she was there despite my protests. He gave up his job while I was still on maternity leave (because he didn't like it anymore) and then proceeded to spend our bills money on fruit machines and beer. Although I loved him, my baby came first and I left.
Since then he has shown only intermittent interest, the odd cheque on her birthday etc. Then suddenly he decided he wanted to see her (told me by text message). So I checked up on the subject of access.
From what I can gather, access will only be granted if the court rules that a relationship between the father and child is in the childs best interests. If he would be jeopardising their safety, physical or mental health then it will be difficult for him to get access. (I know you didn't ask but just in case, as this freaked me out, he would have to prove your daughter an unfit mother to get custody). I was advised to make a record of any contact from my childs father, so they could see how dedicated he was to seeing his child, especially including any hostile phone calls/texts etc.
My child just turned 8 and he has never paid a penny towards her upbringing either. If your daughters ex is the same, this will also count against him. Remember though, only what you can prove is viable in court so gather as much info as possible.
I would definitly suggest you seek legal advice, but I hope i may have been helpful.
Best of luck!!
Since then he has shown only intermittent interest, the odd cheque on her birthday etc. Then suddenly he decided he wanted to see her (told me by text message). So I checked up on the subject of access.
From what I can gather, access will only be granted if the court rules that a relationship between the father and child is in the childs best interests. If he would be jeopardising their safety, physical or mental health then it will be difficult for him to get access. (I know you didn't ask but just in case, as this freaked me out, he would have to prove your daughter an unfit mother to get custody). I was advised to make a record of any contact from my childs father, so they could see how dedicated he was to seeing his child, especially including any hostile phone calls/texts etc.
My child just turned 8 and he has never paid a penny towards her upbringing either. If your daughters ex is the same, this will also count against him. Remember though, only what you can prove is viable in court so gather as much info as possible.
I would definitly suggest you seek legal advice, but I hope i may have been helpful.
Best of luck!!
Thanks for the advice.
Bednobs, she doesn't want to stop access to him or his parents, she just does not want the baby put at risk because they smoke. Also he only wants access when it suits him, once a week or when there is no drinking or football.
Her GP and hospital doctors have all said she and the baby need to stay away from smoke but all his family are concerned about are their "rights" not what is best for the baby.
Bednobs, she doesn't want to stop access to him or his parents, she just does not want the baby put at risk because they smoke. Also he only wants access when it suits him, once a week or when there is no drinking or football.
Her GP and hospital doctors have all said she and the baby need to stay away from smoke but all his family are concerned about are their "rights" not what is best for the baby.
CJ242 Thank you.
I have felt that my daughter should get legal advice and I think we will go down that route. As I said to Bednobs she wants her baby to have a relationship with his father (however rubbish he may be) but he threatens to take the baby, verbally abuses her, belittles her, puts her down all the time, he says looking after a baby is 90% mum 10% dad!
I have felt that my daughter should get legal advice and I think we will go down that route. As I said to Bednobs she wants her baby to have a relationship with his father (however rubbish he may be) but he threatens to take the baby, verbally abuses her, belittles her, puts her down all the time, he says looking after a baby is 90% mum 10% dad!
No offence, but this guy sounds like a complete idiot. Parenting should be 50-50 to create a balanced upbringing. If this person does nothing but make your daughter unhappy then this will ultimately have an effect on the child. If your daughter doesn't want him or his family near the child I would hold out! Let him make all the moves. If he constantly makes requests to see the child then maybe he really has love for them and his hostility is out of frustration. If he cools off and loses interest, maybe the threats about taking the child were purely to hurt your daughter! If he does show interest though, I would tell your daughter to set ground rules about the smoking issue and make it clear they are not negotiable!!!
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