Cutting the bacon
Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks.
At death's door, they see a tree in the distance.
As they get nearer, they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon; crispy bacon; life-giving, nearly raw, juicy bacon... all sorts of bacon.
"Hey, Pepe," says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree! We're saved!"
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets. His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe.
"Pepe! Pepe! Que pasa hombre?"
With his last breath, Pepe calls out, "Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree, ees a ham bush.