feeling insecure

[lotsafun]

hi everyone im wondering if anyone has any advice on ow i can make my partner feel more secure in our relationship. Ive always concidered us to have a good relationship with lots of trust but recently after coming back off a girly weekend away that all went out of the window through no fault of my own.
Basically i went away a month ago with a group of friends on a butlins weekender and when i got back i filled my partner on what a good time i had and how lovely it was to have a break but also said how i was shocked by some of the girls behaviour when we were there. To cut a long story short a few of them ''forgot'' they were married and played away, much to my disapproval may i add. Anyways me and my partner dont have secrets so i told him and he now believes that because they have, of course that would have to mean that i wouldve too! I can swear on the lives of my loved ones that i absolutley didnt do such a thing, im totally against infedelity and have had i done to me in the past so would never ever cheat, also i was there on holiday with his sister so i would never happen! We had a massive row, and i ended up kickin him out for the night cause he hurt me so much with his accusation but i thought after a good long heart to heart he started to believe that nothing went on and we kissed and made up.
Since then however he has forbode me to have any contact with the 2 women in question and out of respect for him i am not a pally with them now as i can see that they are nothing but trouble. Ive been invited out for my birthday on the weekend with a different bunch of friends and would love to go but my partner has made it clear that he doesnt like the idea, despit him saying hes cool hes obviously not and still believes that something went on. Anyway im thinking, do i just go out and think 'stuff him, there his insecurities and not mine'', or just stay in to keep the peace?

[ummmm]

Stuff him.....

Give in now...give in forever.

[lotsafun]

cont............... i know hes the one with the problem and i know he is starting to get a bit controlling but i dont know what i should do. May i also add that he went away on a stag the week before i did and he told me thta some of the boys played away behind there wives backs. may i also add that it never even crossed my mind that he did anything as i trust him with all my heart.

[4getmenot]

Go out. One thing you have to have in a good relationship is trust. My partner would never dare tell me I couldnt go somewhere. and I know he wouldnt anyway because he trusts me totally and I trust him. Tell him if he cant trust you you shouldnt be together. Its always nice to know that a partner can get jealous over you but it can also push you apart.

[lotsafun]

the fiesty side of me is saying that because ive been in a controlling abusive relationship before and im adimant that no man will do that again but then im thinking that maybe i need to do more to convince him that i am loyal and faithful to him (even though i dont know what else i can do). im so confused.com

[lotsafun]

i definatley feel its going to push us apart :(. My moto has always been that without trust theres nothing but then i do know that we love eachother

[ummmm]

We told you what to do....go out..!!

Who the Fluff has the right to stop you? Who the Fluff has the right to say who you are friends with?

[4getmenot]

Now i'm not saying he has but this stag weekend he went on are you totally sure he didnt do anything, as sometimes when blokes cheat they tend to put the blame on the girl and start being very protective as they know what they themselves got up to

[lotsafun]

i brought that up in the argument we had, as ive seen it happen on jeremy kyle alot lol. i know from my ex cause he always thought i was doin gthe dirty and it was him all along. He absolutley denies anything went of course but who knows, i would be totally shocked if he had because he isnt the ''type'' and he has bad balls on the weekend away and really bad piles. (i posted something on her about him finding a lump a few weeks previous) So sex wouldnt of been enjoyable to him if he did

[ummmm]

4get has a point...!!!

[4getmenot]

I just think you need to explain to him then. Or the other thing to do would be stay in tell all your mates it was him keeping you in and sit in grump all weekend making him feel really bad. But me, I;d just go out.

[chelle7272]

I'd go out, as ummmm syas, give in now and you will forever, and you've already been in relationships like that.
He has the double standards here, and you have doine all (and more) you can to restore trust that you didn't deserve to lose.
Stand your ground, stay firm about all you have said about your relationship and leave the next move to him.

[lotsafun]

thanks guys, i think i knew the answer all the time just needed someone to back me up. Your absolutley right, i cant do anything else to convince him that im loyal and trustworthy, and im not going to let his insecurities destroy me. Im going to stand my ground afterall ive done nothing wrong xxxx

[ummmm]

Good on ya :-)

Have a great night....

[SurreyGuy]

I'm not the world's most confident or secure person, but I wouldn't dream of treating you how your partner has!

Do you want a bloke's advice? DITCH HIM NOW!

[Jessy pie]

It would seem to me that theres some underlying cause for his insecurity. Has he been cheated on in the past? I wouldnt stay a home to keep the peace. Youve done nothing wrong and it sounds like youve made that clear to your partner.Ask him where his doubts come from. Sounds like your "ex" mates are gossips n out to cause trouble for some reason. Maybe there feeling guilty cause they played away and you stayed true to your partnr and they cant handle that. Dont let your partner tell you who you can see or not as friends. Hes no right to do that.

[lotsafun]

he has been really hurt in the past jessy, his ex done the dirty on him and this has obviously had a knock on effect, however my argument to that is that so have i. My ex used to knock me about and accuse me of cheating all the time, when infact it was him doing wrong, but i never once had let that effect my new relationship.

[milliezoe]

I agree with surreyguy DITCH him now

[ummmm]

That's a bit extreme but I wouldn't let it continue.

[Androcles]

Just tell him you won't do any more than he did on his stage weekend, and stand back and watch the reaction......

[lotsafun]

LMAO thats a good suggestion, i think i will lol