sex games on the internet, cont.

[lovehearts]

recently i posted a question regarding the guy i've been having sex games with over the internet. We've been friends for 1 1/2 years and we've been having sexy fun online as well as having a good friend who I've been confiding in for a long time now. I like the guy. But things started to feel funny and I was uncomfortable with what we were doing... He was very un-understanding about it, never spoke much about it, was always so laid back about the whole thing. Anyway today I had enough and emailed him saying that I couldnt chat to him anymore and that I actually had feelings for him. I deleted all contact with him and now he's gone... :( He sent me an emailing saying "oh ok bye lovehearts." As if it all means nothing to him. I'm actually quite affected by it, i never thought i would be. I feel like i've lost a close friend and I'm very sad... My friend is having a birthday party tonight and I just feel so crap and I cant even bring myself to go... I still want to be friends with him, he was a good contact to have and I actually formed a relationship with him over the years. I feel so sad. I know its my own fault and it was a phase i went though, but it also feels like a phase im not ready to give up. Should I email him and try and make up, is this going to be an ever lasting thing, am i always going to feel sad... If its meant to be maybe he'll come and get me... I know this all seems very silly... I had to stop it though, but i'll miss his company, suppose its like splitting up wth someone...

[lovehearts]

should i get back in touch with him or wait to see if he gets in touch with me?

[karenmac60]

I would leave it. It sounds to me like you had reached a point where you wanted more from him, you told him you had feelings for him and by his response he probably doesn't feel the same way. If he does then he'll be in touch and you can take it from there on your terms. If he doesn't then to get back in touch and carry on doing what you've been doing will only make you feel bad about yourself. It's not what you want and if you continue it'll be in the hope that he changes his mind and decides to get serious with you. In my experience that never happens, men are happy keeping things on a purely physical level and he will have even more of an upper hand because he knows how you feel. Move on and meet someone real who you can have a proper relationship with. I know it hurts just now and you will miss the routine of talking to him every night, but for your own sake you should put it behind you - unless of course he turns up on your doorstep with roses and declarations of undying love, but that's really not likely to happen - sorry. Take care x

[trt]

What kind of sex games with him?

[ummmm]

Webcam trt......

Move on. He was just using you.

[boxtops]

Sorry lovehearts, but you don't know that he might have been doing the same thing with a number of women, he doesn't sound cut up that you finished with him, he moved on and from what you say, it was just a pastime to him - you say laid back, I read casual fun. Women do get involved, men can compartmentalise! Find something else to occupy your mind (and I don't mean another relationship like this one). There's a nice guy near you somewhere, you'll find there's no need for cyber-sex if you get the real thing. Good luck!

[grasscarp]

His response Oh ok bye says it all. He is not trying to keep in touch with you. In real life he probably has a girlfriend. This kind of site is not for forming relationships. For that you need one of the many dating sites.

[lovehearts]

thanks for your answers. Its actually really tuff on me. Phewww, feeling pretty *** about the whole situation. I'll really miss this guy. Kind of a spir of the moment reaction to delete him but obviously had to be done, or did it. Anyway its done now, all contact cut. Noone to talk to about it. Feeling pretty miffed about the whole experience / friendship. Its really affected me.

[grasscarp]

Lovehearts you will survive. When I think of some of the losers I used to care for so much! Although you feel rejected and dejected now each day should get easier. Best of luck. Have an Easter egg tomorrow. Chocolate always helps!

[lovehearts]

i know but i feel like i want to speak to him already. :( chocolate and wine is the only answer!!

[grasscarp]

Youve already done the strong thing and the right thing. Wine is great but dont let it make you weaken! He has said ok to what you said you want to do. He more than likely has a real relationship and several other virtual ones. Mix with your friends and go partying even when you dont feel like it.

[trt]

Troll me thinks!!!!

[karenmac60]

Lovehearts, I have been in a similar situation. I had an 'arrangement' with a guy - it wasn't virtual but it was completely physical and it went on for a year and a half. At the start it was great cos I didn't want a real relationship, but after a while I started to feel bad about myself - like I was his dirty little secret. Then I started to think I had feelings for him and wanted more. Due to circumstances and a big fight we ended things and for a while I felt like you do now. He had become such a big part of my daily life and I missed him so much, but after a while I got used to not contacting him every day and then I realised it wasn't him I wanted, it was just more. I had gone into things not wanting a relationship, but I had reached the stage where I did want one, and I had fooled myself into thinking I wanted it with him because I was close to him and had opened up to him. It didn't happen and once I got used to him not being there I realised how glad I was that a. I'd had that experience and b. I hadn't taken it any further with him. I'd got through my 'not wanting a relationship' stage and I didn't want a relationship with him. For all we were close we really weren't suited personality wise. But it meant I was ready to move on and I did. I am now very happily married and so is he and I'd like to think we both helped each other get to that stage, but what we had together was purely physical, Move on and be happy - it'll take you a while to shake the habit of him, but you will,

[lovehearts]

Hi Karen, its great to hear someone else in a similar situation. I was completly aware of what we were doing together and enjoyed it totally, but it had to come to an end and i do, i really miss him, its not even been 1 week and im like, should i contact him?? But he's not contacted me, so obviously he's not bothered at all. Although i noticed he's changed his profile pictures and stuff. I know its silly being so into him but its just really strange with all contact cut. Each night I would speak to him, Im lucky the TV is good tonight :) Still, if he was really missing me you would think he'd get in touch... One of these things..

And trt - Im not a troll thank you very much! Just a young woman having some fun, but unfortunalty been left feeling sad because of the fun i've been having. I'm still really missing this guy.