The Big Friday Debate.

[NoMercy]

I read in Grazia, going back a couple of weeks ago, about a couple who met and started dating. They'd grown up in cities 100 miles apart, but found they had an extraordinary amount in common - nothing unusual there. They commuted to see each other for nigh on 2 years when she suddenly fell pregnant. It wasn't expected, but they were delighted nonetheless. By a cruel twist of fate, they later found out they were half brother/sister. The father has made umpteen efforts to see his son when he was a child, but the court decided it wouldn't be in his best interest at the time. Had the courts not prevented access, they would have been allowed to grow up as brother and sister, and all the heartache would have been avoided.

They have vowed to stay together, although they are not presently having a physical relationship. They have both expressed a desire to resume the physical side of things at some point in time, but they've also vowed that their son will never know the truth about his mum and dad being half siblings.

So... do you think they should stay together, or separate? And should their child be told the truth, or forever kept in the dark?

[mrs.chappie]

What a horrible predicament. My guess is that you cannot know what you'd do unless you actually found yourself in that situation. I shudder to think of it though.

[another-view]

I don't know about telling the child but I bet he grows up to be a great banjo player. Are the parents called Zeke and Mary-Lou by any chance?

[ummmm]

Kept in the dark I would say. If that's possible....

Staying together....completely up to them. It would be a different matter if they knew beforehand. That's life though...they didn't, they fell in love and had a baby. Near on impossible to turn off your feelings.

[Snafu03]

They should move to Norfolk where that behaviour is more 'de rigeur'.

[4getmenot]

Really up to them and their business if they stay together, but they shouldnt have any more children because of medical reasons and also not fair on the child if they ever find out. So the new child wasnt effected in any way?

[ethandron]

i would imagine this sort of thing happens fairly often what with sperm donation, etc., and people never know. as to this particular situation, i really don't know...

[Bbbananas]

Difficult one. I heard this story on GMTV. I personally think that, as they got together in all innocence, they should stay together. The child is already born, so there's nothing that can be done about that. I assume (s)he is 'normal'. However, they should not have any further children, to be on the safe side.

To tell the child? Mmmmm, I really don't know the answer to that one. Probably yes, but not until he's old enough to understand at least some of the mechanics & circumstances of it.

[funnygirl]

So incest is rife in Norfolk???

[NoMercy]

I think you're right, Mrs. C. It's no use any of us pontificating, as none of us really knows how we would feel until it happened to us.

[another-view]

Indeed! An average person's family tree is 3 boxes with names in all connected to each other.

(sung to the tune of the Addams family)

"Your sister is your mother
Your uncle is your brother
You all f*** one another
The Norfolk family"

[4getmenot]

snafu if only you knew. Its not rife but has happened in Norfolk like it has happened all over the world. Infact I know of a little girl who had mentle problems and died because her mum and dad were related. Very sad.

[NoMercy]

4get... the mother blamed herself for ailments that he son has suffered, but didn't stipulate what those ailments were. There was no mention of any chromosomal abnormalities.

[4getmenot]

No one knows the whole truth behind this and they didnt know. Same as the people I know didnt.

[rowanwitch]

Genetic counselling would identify the level of risk of inherited diseases etc but while it goes against all the incest laws and social taboos if one party was sterilized to avoid all further risk I don't see there would be any harm done... the incest rules came about at a time when no one understood why close kin relationships were high risk and also at a time when marrying out of clan was a method of preventing or reducing conflicts between neighbouring groups... with advances in genetic screening the first argument is no longer valid,.....The main problem is dealing with society's instilled belief that this is bad thing...

[ummmm]

It happened a lot in remote parts of Ireland.

There's a place called Clare Island off the coast of Mayo where 70% of the inhabitants are O'Malleys.....70%...and that's in 2010...!!

[4getmenot]

Thousands of years ago it was normal. Just think now about animals and how they sleep with all family members to produce offspring. I dont think its right in humans myself but knowing what I know I have to have a bit of sympathy for people that do it.

[NoMercy]

It's like Ummmm said, you can't turn your feelings off. They were together for years before they found out that they had such a close familial link. The birth of their son is irreversible... is one parent supposed to walk out of his life for ever?

[ummmm]

If they decide not to stay together they will have to decide if the father is the father or the Uncle..

[redcrx]

they didnt know, perhaps if their parents had told them about their family long ago this sad situation would be avoided.

They should stay together but not have any more children, now they know.

as for telling the child, well how can they realistically keep it a secret and yet go on TV and do interviews with magazines? Also they will be expecting all friends and family to keep it a secret and something like that is bound to slip out eventually.

Plus do they know if any gentic problems may not appear in their child but in their grandchildren?

I think they should explain to theirchild once he is old enough to fully undertsand

[NoMercy]

In the actual Grazia article, names were changed to protect their identities.

If the mother of the man hadn't prevented his biological father from having access to him, then yes, this would almost certainly have been prevented from happening. The child's parents have vowed never to tell him the awful truth, but they have lambasted the lies that kept them in the dark all those years ago. Surely the little boy should know, if only to be made aware that any gene abnormalities could manifest themselves is subsequent generations?