News1 min ago
Help me break down my walls
6 Answers
I am at uni at the moment and I have found that I've been preventing myself from perhaps being as sociable as I should be. I don't know why as I have grown older I've become more cynical about people. I think I can be great person to be around if I just let my guard down around people. I never smile in photos, I don't drink (which at uni when I mention this to people they look at me like an unfortunate person they should feel sorry for). I don't know what it is - but I just prevent myself from being close to people. As much as I try to break out of this - I never do. I'd also love to meet a guy but I don't really think I am attractive enough - sometimes I feel as though if I was with someone who appreciated me and told me how much they loved me everyday those walls would begin to fall. It's funny though because on my first week of uni I meet this guy who was nice and showed an interest and for some funny reason my guard fell and I felt so comfortable with him but unfortunately as nice as he was looking for anything serious just causal sex - which I'd never do. Furthermore I was attracted to him in anyway but in the time I spent getting to know him I could definitely picture him as a good friend. I have let my guard down with some people I just want to do so with everyone so they can realise how much of a wonderful person I could possibly be. There's so much to me than meets the eye but I just keep holding back...
Help me break down this walls before it's too late!
Help me break down this walls before it's too late!
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I'm really sorry if this is offensive to you but why have you ruled out casual (but safe) sex? Obviously it's not compulsory at uni but sometimes being intimate with people forces you to let some of that guard down. Unfortunately doesn't mean you won't get hurt but sometimes that's the only way to learn - you get hurt a bit, get over it, pick yourself up and try again a bit older and wiser. You get to know more about human nature and worry less about giving some of yourself away.
Some people here may object to what I am going to say, but that's their prerogative.
I have worked for years with local and international students and have found that, almost without exception, they find the University Chaplancies very helpful and sociable places.
It doesn't matter if you profess any religion or none at all - they are open to everyone. There are usually loads of social activities, and many students get involved in charities such as Habitat for Humanity or other overseas aid projects.
Many go abroad on teaching and building projects - that's how you meet decent people, not those who hang around bars and expect casual sex.
It's a fact of life that 'freshers' are always seen as an easy sex target - you are not cynical, but the guys who try to exploit you are.
Chaplancies are also very helpful if you are feeling a bit lost or low and don't want to go down the formal counselling road. There is always someone to listen and try to empathise, and remember - University Chaplains have heard it all before - and what you talk over with them is always confidential.
I have worked for years with local and international students and have found that, almost without exception, they find the University Chaplancies very helpful and sociable places.
It doesn't matter if you profess any religion or none at all - they are open to everyone. There are usually loads of social activities, and many students get involved in charities such as Habitat for Humanity or other overseas aid projects.
Many go abroad on teaching and building projects - that's how you meet decent people, not those who hang around bars and expect casual sex.
It's a fact of life that 'freshers' are always seen as an easy sex target - you are not cynical, but the guys who try to exploit you are.
Chaplancies are also very helpful if you are feeling a bit lost or low and don't want to go down the formal counselling road. There is always someone to listen and try to empathise, and remember - University Chaplains have heard it all before - and what you talk over with them is always confidential.
Thank you very much for all your suggestions. Pipinhull you haven't offended me at all - I'm not religious (those posts were from when I was 14/15); causal sex is just something I don't want to do. I think I'd get too emotionally involved and it would hurt so much. Plus sex for me is very important so I'd rather do it with someone I'm with. Sammmo, perhaps I am lacking in self-confidence. Like I said I don't smile; I don't wear bright colours; my weight fluctuates and I feel like I look horrible. I haven't always been like this; as I've grown older I think I've just tended to withdraw myself from everything that's going on and I find that if I prevent myself getting to close to anyone then I prevent myself from getting hurt. I'm just so weary of everyone. Annemolie, thank you for you advice I'll look into it. Homedeeth, I don't know whether I am depressed I've actually thought I was before but I don't know...
I won't this summer to be a turning point in my life. I won't changes to occur - I've got a friend who has lost a ridiculous amount of weight in about 6 months and if he can do that then I'm sure I could be happier. I just don't want feel like I'm miles away from home, spending all this money to get a degree and meet new people and trying to get somewhere in life only not to have made any progress at the end of it. I guess I just want someone to burst their way into my life and make me change because they can see that I just need that push...
I won't this summer to be a turning point in my life. I won't changes to occur - I've got a friend who has lost a ridiculous amount of weight in about 6 months and if he can do that then I'm sure I could be happier. I just don't want feel like I'm miles away from home, spending all this money to get a degree and meet new people and trying to get somewhere in life only not to have made any progress at the end of it. I guess I just want someone to burst their way into my life and make me change because they can see that I just need that push...
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