witty sisums!

[mr. piper]

I really like to see people come out with clever one liners, good puns, and generally pointing out obvious stupidity, i have always collected these gems in my head and if i have an oportunity to use one i recall the incident that triggered it and sit there grinning like a fool.

One of my favourite ones was about 30 years ago, someone responsible for an educational establishment was caught with his hand in the till. His name was "JACK HUGHES" when it all became public the  weekly publication relevant to the establishment printed its next edition with the enboldened headline "J'ACCUSE" well i thought it was good anyway!

[spudqueen]

Apparently when Ally McCoist was playing football in Scotland the following head line appeared:
Superallygoesballistic???????areatrocious (sorry, can't remember which team they beat, might have been Stirling).

[jno]

Just a year or 2 ago, in The Sun - 'Super Cally go ballistic, Celtic are atrocious' it was. Apparently the guy on The Sun thought it up years ago and had been waiting for a result he could use it on. (Not saying your Ally one wasn't used earlier, though.)

[THECORBYLOON]

I would tell you a joke about a fingertip but it's a bit near the knuckle.......

[jno]

Love to tell you the joke about the cloud, but it'd go over your head. As for the one about the half-acre... no, it's too rude. [NB the latter will not be understood by anyone under about 80. I'm not sure I've remembered it right myself.]

Occurs to me my previous post should have been 'Super Caley...' - not sure about these northern things, TCL may be able to put me right.

[THECORBYLOON]

Aye jno, it is indeed Caley.

[THECORBYLOON]

I'll not tell the joke about a heap of underwear-It's a pile of pants.......

[jno]

'Thanks', as I believe you say up there, TCL

[THECORBYLOON]

Or the one about the lorry full of of sickles, it's a load of billhooks.....

[ALLO]

tcl are you cheating ?

[THECORBYLOON]

ALLO "Cheating?" sorry but I don't get what you mean....

[Grunty]

As a child I had a lot of respect for someone called Harold because of the prayer at school

Our father which art in Heaven, Harold be thy name.

[ALLO]

with jno?

[ludwig]

There's a famous quotation/book review which goes something like 'This is not a book which should be cast lightly aside. On the contrary it should be hurled with great force'

That always makes me giggle.Sorry, can't remember who said it, Oscar Wilde probably.

[THECORBYLOON]

ALLO I apologise if that was the impression you got, as if I would do such a thing! Unfortunately the AB Editor does not appreciate ma chatty responses so I may not be here for much longer.....

[Aschenbach]

Lisa - Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt

Homer - Takes one to know one!

[jno]

Headline on a Guardian review of Antony and Cleopatra: The Biggest Asp Disaster in the World.

[another memo for the under-80s: Old song, Gracie Fields I think, called The Biggest Aspidistra in the World. Hope spelling it out like this doesn't spoil it, it's still pretty clever.]