The Funniest Things......

[Otrere]

What is the funniest wrong thing you have ever said? You know, something completely back to front or got the words wrong etc., some total gibberish that has really made you laugh in a "tears streaming down your face" kinda way??

Two things I can think of are when one friend went to a pub bar to order a meal and asked for "mushroom rings".

The other thing is when someone I know described a scotch egg, i.e. "A scotch egg is like a pork pie but with a different crust and filling".

[Ouisch]

A friend and I had driven to the store and were parking.  We spotted what appeared to be an able-bodied person getting out of a car in a handicapped slot.  My friend was filled with righteous indignation, but I explained to her that many handicaps can't be seen at a glance.  "Maybe he's deaf, or has a passenger that is blind."  "I don't know why a deaf person needs a special parking place," she replied.  "Now blind, I can see."

[sweggie]

I once worked with a girl who once got 'W for whisky Y for yankee' when reading back a reference to a client mixed up. think about it as i won't be able to spell it. Oh how we laughed!

[Kay]

I was watching Corrie when the Battersby's had one of those light up phones. When it rang my friend said "Now would'nt they be good for deaf people" She could'nt understand why I was laughing at her so I had to tell her that "Deaf people cant hear others on the phone":----))

[nect4r]

An acquaintance of mine told me that he was running a marathon to raise money for a blind charity, as his dad is registered blind. My immediate reaction was ".. Oh, so, I guess you understand sign language then?"

*smacks head*

[Dark Angel]

There are some people who say Customs & Exercises which I find hilarious and there was an elderly gentleman who used to mispronounce Massachutes and call it Mashashushetts.

[Dark Angel]

***Massachusettes

[ludwig]

there are loads here

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/ChatterBank/Question12082 1.html

[ludwig]

why don't my links ever work?

[Otrere]

Hahahaha LUDWIG - that IS funny!!!

[calleach]

I heard an old boy refering to his recent diagnosis of Alzheimers disease as Old Timers disease.

[Firiffic]

My husband recently leaned over the back of the couch to kiss me but his knees buckled a little as the rug slipped on the wooden floor. "OOh,"  I said smiling at him, "You've gone all kneak in the wees over me!"    Obviously I meant "weak in the knees". 

Aah, the spoonerism.

[Andy008]

Two years ago I was working in a pub/restaurant in a frightfully posh part of Surrey. A young lady with a cut-glass accent came to the bar and ordered drinks for her and her friend. I subseqeuntly took her food order, at which point she requested: " A steak and ale pie, and an eight-inch pork steak".

Perhaps childishly, I almost bit off the end of my tongue.

[lizzierose]

i said. "I'd hate to be an alcoholic, I'd have to stop drinking" which doesn't seem as funny written down as at the time.

My friends nan said culti morey star pork instead of multi storey car park which I thought was legendary

[beff_juckley]

I know that the origins are not so funny but when the tunnel collapsed on the railway line last week (no thanks to Tesco), one of the news channels interviewed a local councillor whose name was Pat Fea, now that as a spoonerism was absolutely hilarious at the time!! try it and see....

[Clare A]

Health & safety rules get everywhere...

There was an enquiry into deck safety on board ships. The journalist said that in many cases it had been found that the rules had been 'fragrantly bleached'.

Another I like is when people say 'It was really heart-rendering'. Yeuch!

[Clare A]

Sort of along the same lines...

I was watching a wildlife documentary with the then boyfriend. It was about some little burrowing animals, and a camera followed them down their burrows. I exclaimed 'Oh, look - they even put up little pit props to keep their roofs up!', only to be told that those 'pit props' were roots that naturally went through the soil the animals had dug. I wasn't allowed to forget it for a very long time!

[Firiffic]

A friend of mine, that is now quite a famous actor in Australia, commented to a group of us that were having after show drinks and "other" this pearl of wisdom.

" If Woody Allen hadn't made movies he wouldn't be famous." 

He thought he had been rather profound but we all nearly wet our pants laughing.

[pixi]

I once asked for 10 stupidkings in the shop.  I meant superkings.  

[smee.tracey]

Our podiatrist at work gets requested in all strange manners. He is, amongst others: paediatrician, poodliatrist, poedioatrist and my personal favourite a poodentist! We just smile and give directions