As a painter, I'm proud to say some of my work can be seen in the National Gallery.
I did the skirting boards.
I found an old unframed oil painting in my loft yesterday of a beautiful naked lady
so I mounted it.
My girlfriend insisted on going to the art gallery so I went along with it and after an hour looking at pictures I called her over and said, "What about this one?"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah, it's the best one I've seen yet."
"If you don't want to be here, then leave."
"When did I say that?"
"When you called me over to look at the EXIT sign."
I lost so much cash through having my art stolen recently, but fortunately this month I've Claude Monet back.
I got into a fight with an artist last night
We drew.
A new exhibition where the artist uses human excrement to create celebrity portraits opens tomorrow.
There'll be some familiar faeces on show.
I've just found a portrait of a policeman in the loft.
I think it's a Constable.
I've been working on a mosaic made of broken bottles,
but it's not really all that it's cracked up to be.
Whenever I'm asked who the man of the match is, my answer is always the same.
Lowry.
What do you call an artist with asthma?
Van Cough
Just finished reading 50 shades of grey - I thought it was rather monochromatic.