Here is another Jewish joke that Maureen Lipman told on Parkinson a few years ago.
Mrs Goldstein meets Mrs Goldberg in Waitrose.
Mrs Goldstein " You are not looking so good today my dear, so why don't you tell me what the matter is"
Mrs Goldberg " Oy...don't talk ! My husband came home last night and gave me 12 long-stem red roses "
Mrs Goldstein " Your husband gave you 12 long-stem red roses and thats a problem already ? "
Mrs Goldberg " But you don't know what I have to do when gives me these ruddy roses. I have go upstairs to the bedroom, take off all my clothes and lie on my back on the bed, with my legs open ! "
How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.
Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest
1998 hymie gives sadie for her birthday a plot in the most prestigious cemetry. it is something she has longed for and wanted for a long time. she is delighted.
1999 hymie gives sadie only a card on her birthday. upset and puzzled sadie question shymie when he comes home from work. "what's the matter? last year you gave me a beautiful present on my birthday and this nothing" "zilch" "nothing" "how can i hold up my head when the ladies meet for lunch on tuesday?"
hymie replies "but darling i gave you a wonderful present last year and now you want even more." "i thought you didn't like and how can i give you something else when you haven't used that one yet?"
Another old Jewish joke, this time courtesy of Woody Allen ::
Mrs Goldstein and Mrs Goldberg are coming out of a restaurant. Mrs Goldstein says " Did you ever taste such awful food ? " To which Mrs Goldberg replies " I know, and such small portions ! "