goodbye nanny

[gingerflaps]

i found out on sunday that my nanny had died on sunday morning. I am absolutly devistated, i knew she was ill but i didnt think she was that bad. she got took into hospital on Thursday because she kept having nose bleeds and they wouldnt stop. She hasnt been well for a while but she has been gettin worse since the death of my little cousin in april last year. I just want to know if there is anyway of taking this pain away, how do u handle a death in the family. This is the 3rd death in my family in 4 years. It makes me really start to think about life and death. I know that time heals everything but at the minute it seems that time has stopped. I feel like i should be doing something, but theres nothing i can do. Its very strange, All i can think about is her, no matter what i do to try and take my mind off it. so my question is 'how do u deal with the death of a loved family member/freind? 

[Buddy]

I lost my beloved Nannie 19 months ago.The first year is absolutely the worst,I cries every day.

But u gradually learn to live without her - in saying that I have just came across a photo and instictavly I started to cry.

In the first year when it was most painful I found white feathers on the floor when I was having a difficult time and I knew they were from her.I was even sitting beside the flower market in Amsterdam and thought Nannie would have loved this.Next thing a pure white feather fluttered to my feet.

That has all stopped now because I now know she hasnt left me.

Please believe me you will learn to live without her.Tears are never far away but you will get there - just go with your emotions and look out for white feathers.

My thoughts and love are with you.

[Trillipse]

Cling to those you love, wait and weep and hug life into yourself through those who love you, and those who loved her. speak of her often and with any joy you can rouse, and with all the anguish you can vent. feel free to be silent. shred tissues and stare at the wall. ignore people - they can handle it.

all these things i did for my young older brother. none dulled the pain, some glazed it. people around me tried to crack through, but only those who'd felt these things before knew that the minutes are painful, the hours are long, but the years will help.

 

xxx

[dabees]

There is no GOOD way of dealing with it. Life is not always that good. I'm sure your nan realised how much you loved her, she will have gone with that thought. You will hear many thoughts on here because we are all so diverse. I'm not at all religious but i believe i will continue in this world because of my children. I think my boys have been brought up well and some of that is down to my nan. She died 2 weeks ago, she was a wonderful woman and if more people were like her this world would be a much nicer place.

[lozzzz]

hi gingerflaps, sorry to hear about your nannny,I lost both sets of grandparents in the last 10 year and my dad died quite suddenly at the age of 54,7yrs ago,it does get better and hopefully in a year or so you will be able to  look back and not feel so devastated,I think of my dad everyday but now it's usually just the good times,now im able to talk about the circumstances surrounding my dads death without feeling so angry and upset, I still have "its not fair,my dads dead" days but just go with it.There is no right or wrong way to express your grief.

Dont feel guilty about getting on with your life,eventually you will be able to remember her with a smile..

[Englishbird]

Hi ginger, I'm sorry to hear you're hurting so much.  Losing people we love is probably the hardest thing we have to deal with in this life.  Let yourself grieve, trillipse post is good.  If you're looking for a bit of a distraction, how about planting a tree for her, or planning something in her memory.  Or go for a long walk and cry, scream if you want to. Thinking of you x x

Death is nothing at all...
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I, and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was
Let it be spoken without effort,
without the ghost of a shadow on it.

Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was;
there is absolutely unbroken continuity....

Why should I be out of your mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval,
Somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well

[shehin]

The feelings you are having are totally normal after suffering a bereavement.  Some days you will feel a little brighter and on others you will feel very sad all over again.

You ask how to deal with the death of a loved one - take it a day at a time, an hour at a time, and one day you will realise that you don't feel quite so bad - then you'll know you have taken the first steps to acceptance and recovery.

[smudge]

So sorry to hear about your beloved Nanny gingerflaps.

[butter1]

ah gingerflaps, so sorry to hear about your Nanny.  There is no best way of getting through it...everybody grieves differently.  All I can say is stay strong and try and remember the good times.  It's been nearly 10 years since I lost my mum and although in some ways its easier other times its not.  I was only 17 at the time and wasn't into going out and having lunch with my mum etc..but now, that's one of the things I would love to do with her.. but I know she's looking down on me and I'm sure your Nanny is too.  I still have bad days, something will just remind me of her and I'll just cry and as I'm getting older I can see how alike I am to my mum.  I hope you feel better soon and remember we are always here if you ever need to let it all out! take care  xsweetie.

[gingerflaps]

I would like to say thankyou to all of you for your thoughts and consoladations. Its still very painful but i'm takin it one day at a time. My brother phones me everyday to see how i am. Its at times like this when you dont realise how much 'family' mean to you, we have all pulled together and are looking after each other. The funeral is on wednesday, and i'm going to buy a big reafe with pink flowers. Once again, thankyou all, you are all so very nice. xxx

[frugalmummy]

Hi Gingerflaps,

I was asking myself the same questions last night. My best friend passed away a few weeks ago, and tho he was my friend he was like a father to me.

I loved Trillipse's post, and like Buddy I look for comfort where I can, like remembering special things, talking about him, knowing how much love he passed on (like your nan). It's hard, but try to take it one day at a time and thank your nan for helping your family to be loving to each other.

I used to think people were wrong to have laughter if someone died, now I know it's necessary and it's healing to share with each other about the nice or funny things you remember about your loved one.

Your nan would want you to take care of yourself & make her proud. You'll do that as a tribute to her.

Kindest wishes

[blanx]

You are not alone with your grief. I lost my Mum quite suddenly 3 weeks ago and I don't know how to carry on without her.  She was a young 65.  I'm sure our loved ones know we love them and hopefully they are watching over us.  Take care of yourself and act in whichever way gets you through it at the time.

[pompomfairy]

im reli sorry to heard about ur nanny i lost my nan reli suddenly 5 years ago just before her birthdayi know how much you are hurting i cried for days and days i still cry sumtimes now. they are always with you no matter where you are or wot you are doing remember they are always there