Can't Get Away

[Hellyon]

Following my divorce I started dating a guy who I realised (too late) has narcissistic tendencies. We stopped actually dating (his choice0 and he started seeing someone else. The problem is we get on really well as friends, he says I am his best friend. He rings, messages every day and wants to see me. When he has problems or is sick he comes to me. A lot of people think we are together as we get on so well. I don't like his girlfriend much she is a 'saccharin manipulator' all girly and helpless and not my cup of tea. I have tried on several occasions to walk away from him and remove him from my life but he just won't let me, gets very, very upset (either angry or tearful). It makes it difficult for me to move on and have a life of my own (although there is no-one on the horizon). The problem now is he has being diagnosed with a potentially terminal illness and he says he needs me more than ever, he says the girlfriend is upset and he can't cope with her but he still keeps on seeing her. I know he probably does need me, I'm calm and practical, but its a huge emotional investment when I do all the caring and worrying, to all intents and purposes a girlfriend/wife role but she is getting all the 'sympathy' and 'poor girl she's so upset'. I genuinely care about the guy, my head says I should walk away but heart says stay and look after him. As you can tell, I'm a bit confused! Any words of wisdom?

[237SJ]

Has he really been diagnosed with a potentially terminal illness or is he just saying that to manipulate you?

[woofgang]

He sounds like a manipulative person and he's got you on a string. Of course you can get away. He is not your mother or the dating police. Say goodbye, block him on your phone and move on.

[Hellyon]

I've been to all the hospital appointments with him (he doesn't like girlfriend their because she gets upset), there is no final diagnosis yet but the Doctors are looking at cancer, so yes it is genuine.

[murraymints]

you have to say exactly what you have said here...I would be taking a step back...

[New Judge]

I was about to say the very same thing, 237.

Check out this alleged diagnosis. I have a friend who was told her ex was dying of cancer. It turned out to be a pack of lies and he was putting the rumour about just in an attempt to re-establish contact.

[woofgang]

That's what I thought 237SJ

[Hellyon]

I tried that Woofgang, he just bombarded me. And I know, I have a soft heart or I'm a fool, it's a fine dividing line!

[woofgang]

How can he bombard you if he is blocked on your phone? I have a theory that if we really want to do something, we get it done. If we don't want to do it we will always find reasons why we can't. This applies to me too by the way. So if you want to make the break and move on, the way to do it is to do it.

[Hellyon]

I actually know you are right woofgang. I did block him on my phone and facebook. He rang my landline, my friends and borrowed a phone to text me. I ended up giving up just for some peace.
And I'm very aware I sound stupid but it's not so easy putting it into practice. I was in the process of walking away again when this illness bombshell hit.

[Elina]

Hellyon, Sam Vaknin, listen to him & move right on from your abusive partner. A narcissist is incapable of having feelings for anyone else but himself. Please do not kid yourself.

[Elina]

[Elina]

.. Media URL: https://m.youtube.com/?hl=en-GB&gl=GB#/watch?v=vSx_7eKxQbw
Description:

[Elina]

Sorry, for some reason the link isn't working, hope you can trace that!

[Baldric]

//I've been to all the hospital appointments with him//
Have you been in with him, like a Wife/Partner would, or have you just sat in a Waiting Room he disappears around a corner for a while?

[woofgang]

if he is bothering your friends and borrowing phones to text you that's harassment. Tell him you will go to the police. You can get number display/blocking kit for your landline and it doesn't cost much. No its not easy, getting yourself out of a mess is never easy but i refer you to my previous statement. If you "can't" do it, there is a reason why you don't want to do it. If you really want to do it then you can. I know it sounds hard but that is the truth of the matter. So what do you really want?

[whiskeryron]

Bin him you know it makes sense you'll be sorry if you don't. Get a new land-line number, tell your supplier you are receiving nuisance calls.

[Elina]

Can someone get that link to work for Hellyon if possible please x

[Baldric]

Media URL: https://m.youtube.com/?hl=en-GB&gl=GB#/watch?v=vSx_7eKxQbw
Description:

[woofgang]

hoping this works, otherwise go to youtube and search for Sam Vaknin.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lmq3_DsEcc&list=PL677DFE5A3F4F900B

[Elina]

Hi woof, wasn't the exact link but yeah, if Hellyon searches for Sam Vaknin, he has a wealth of topics on YouTube about narcissistic behaviour. Thanks anyway x