Nerd Jokes

[Ninefingers]

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

Knock Knock,
Whos's There,
To'
To Who,
No, To Whom

Very apt for here:
What do you say to console a grammar nazi?
There, Their, They're

The Past, present and future walked into a bar - It was tense!

Did you hear about the man the mak who was cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now

A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies "No I'm travelling light"

There's a band called 1023MB - they've had no gigs yet.

They say a freudian slip is when you say one thing but you really mean your mother

Your mother is so classless she could be a Marxist Utopia

When I was young my teacher looked at me and said "name two pronouns" - I looked back and said "Who? Me?"

What is a Physicists favourite food? Fission Chips

Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Sodium Batman

C, E Flat and G walk into a bar, the barman shouts No Minors

What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass - Beer

helium walks into a bar and orders a pint, Barman says " Sorry we don;'t serve Noble Gases here" He doesnt react

It's hard to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs because they always take things; litetrally

Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything

Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey Tea? Because all Proper Tea is Theft

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? a Fish

Whats another name for Santa's Elves - subordinate clauses

Schroedingers cat walks into a bar - and doesn't

A biologist, Chemist and statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5ft right, the chemist takes a shot and misses 5 ft to the left. The statistician yells "We got it"

[Patsy33]

Good ones!..

[Jackdaw33]

Had to think about the sodium one.

[Khandro]

A surfeit of riches Nine. You should have distributed them one at a time and you could have us laughing up until Christmas. :0)

[marval]

I like those.

A piece of gold walks into a bar.
The Barman says "Au, get out of here"

[marval]

Julius Caesar walks into a bar. "I'll have a martinus," he says.

The Bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, "Don't you mean a 'martini'?"

"Look," Caesar retorts, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"