Is It Better To Foster Or Adopt A Child?

[EmilyAdkins1]

I would love to foster a child. I would like to take a child who has had a rough life and make their life better. I would love to help any child with a problem or any child that had had a rough life but what scares me is that the parents can come take your child away. I would hate to get super attached to that child and then have it taken away. But I really want to take in a child. I am ready to bring joy to a child but I don’t know in what way. If you were in my situation, what would you choose to do? And could you please explain why. (So I can understand your reasoning and take it into account) I don’t know what to pick in this situation.

[Mamyalynne]

Both options take a lot of thought Emily and fostering in particular I think calls for veru special people.

Were I younger and in a stable relationship then I would consider adoption, I don't think I would be strong enough to foster.

[EmilyAdkins1]

I see that there could be minor to major difficulties with fostering a child with certain backgrounds and it would be difficult to try and deal with them (sometimes) thank you for the answer and I will consider your response

[Zacs-Master]

The adoption process isn’t for the feeble or feint hearted. It’s brutal to be honest.

[Cloverjo]

I don’t want to be rude, Emily, or tread on your dreams, but I’ve had a quick look through your previous questions. You don’t seem to have the maturity needed to foster or adopt a child whose had a rough start to life.

[Cloverjo]

*who’s*

[EmilyAdkins1]

You are not rude and I do understand. My physical maturity is fine but my emotional maturity is not quite mature. I can see where your coming from but I assure you that my older posts do not reflect on me as a person. They are just dumb questions I wonder about when I am bored. I definitely do not act like a child. My mind thinks of funny/dumb things and here I am free to say them but I promise I am fully capable of taking care of a child. (Maybe not one with issues)

[Buenchico]

While money alone should clearly not be a deciding factor, I'd still point out that there's a very big financial difference between fostering and adoption. (I seem to remember that you're in the USA, Emily. I can only provide information based upon the UK situation but I'm sure that there will be similarities between the systems in our two countries).

Fostering involves looking after someone else's child, for which you get paid. Here in the UK, the payment is between £132 ($187) and £231 ($327) per week, depending upon the age of the child and the part of the country that you live in. There are no upfront costs involved in becoming a foster carer and the vetting process is relatively short (but still quite thorough).

Adoption means taking on a child as a member of your own family. The application process is lengthy (often taking around two years) and involves paying between £4000 ($5700) and £9000 ($12750) in court fees. Once the child becomes a member of your family, it's up to you to pay for their upkeep, so it can result in quite a big hit to your disposable income.

As I said at the start of my post, finance alone shouldn't be a deciding factor but I think that it definitely needs to be considered!

[EmilyAdkins1]

Thank you very much but I have considered both of the financial options and I am aware of what will happen on which I choose and finances are a pretty big part of owning a child but I have that all figured out for both options

[tiggerblue10]

Aside from the financial aspect I would've thought you'd have to go through a stringent vetting process too.

[melv16]

My daughter adopted a 3 month old baby girl in 2016 and a 1wk old baby girl in 2018..same mother but different fathers.
There's a stringent process to go through and lots of interviews and paper work.
Adoption or fostering is not for people who decide on a whim to go through with it.

[calmck]

I was living in the US when I was offered my adopted daughter. The vetting process was very invasive and at the time alternative family lifestyle was not universally accepted in the US. As my sister had adopted the half brother of my prospective daughter I upped sticks and moved permanently to Portugal. I had already had my daughter since she was a week old and had received permission from the mother and social services to have the child here in Portugal. In fact I had met the mother when I had collected the boy from her for my sister. This was a legal, Portuguese full adoption, approved by social services. I don't know if things have changed in the U S re adoption but you could be in for a long process

[davebro]

If you simply want to help children through a few difficult years and will be happy to see them leave then fostering seems to be the way (some foster parent have 10s, even 100s of children stay for varying period).

If you are childless & want to create a family unit that will last into future generations you need to adopt.

[10ClarionSt]

I wouldn't foster. And I definitely wouldn't adopt. I had enough parental problems raising my own children. I wouldn't want to do it all again, especially with someone elses' children.

[davebro]

Two of my friends found they couldn't have children & desperately wanted a normal family life. They adopted 1-year-old twins about 6 years ago and now have the family they desired & are very happy with it. Sure problems arise in any family but most work out OK.

[bednobs]

i would NEVER recommend either option to someone who sees it as "owning" a child. A child is not an ipad

[davebro]

^^^^ agreed - I think that "owning" comment was a bit off.

[EmilyAdkins1]

I was pleased with all of these but uhm. “Children are not iPads” I do understand that children are not iPads. They need much care and affection. They are difficult depending on the current situation. I am fully aware of how much care and thinking is needed for a child. I was wrong, I not fully aware but I am pretty sure of what I’m supposed to do or have to do. I have most of what I can figured out, ******* (no that is not a cuss word. It is a persons username)

[andy-hughes]

Emily - If you listed one hundred important aspects of what is involved in either fostering or adopting a child, figuring out the financial implications would come in at about four-hundred-and-forty-seven.

You are talking about investing in the emotional development of a child or children who may already have had their emotions damaged virtually to the point of no return, so simply feeling that you'd 'like to do this' is nowhere near enough of a motivation to involve yourself.

As advised, it takes a very special person to take on either situation, and it's not at all for complete strangers to judge your suitability.

One thing i would say though - if you are thinking, as you appear to be, in the same way as you might pick this dress over that dress, and asking strangers to advise you - I would suggest that the emotional complications involving other human beings are not something to which you are inherently suited.

[calmck]

How old are you? From reading your posts I would assume early 20s. If you adopt it would be for life, both yours and the child. You need to think ahead to your own future, marriage or partner and having your own children. How did you end up coping with your siblings during the storm? I presume they went home. Have you discussed this with your parents? They would be instant grandparents. How much support will you get from them. Believe me you will need it. Maybe work in child care for a while or with disadvantage kids or mentoring through social services first

[Peter Pedant]

thank god this is a thread and she isnt going to do it