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one liners

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mike42 | 16:27 Mon 02nd Oct 2006 | People & Places
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hi all like to hear your fav one line put downs.
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You no good jive turkey, this is in the wrong section
No it's not, it's in the right section.
Question Author
ha ha your rite meant post it in phrases and sayings.
Ahhhh, but seeing as you say one liners to people and this is people & places category.................




Boo desperately clutches at straws...................
When s/one is struggling with s/thing i say 'dya need a grown-up to help?' (but they ask if i know one!!)
Also when colleagues talk about their new clothes n how much they cost, i say 'Ya cuda got a new one for that price....'
Another of my faves is 'You're depriving some village of an idiot!' -
'If 2 people are talking and one em looks bored - you're the other one!!!!!!'
'it's s/times difficult to believe out of 1 million sperm, you were the one that got to the egg!'

I cud go on n on n on ........but i wont!! Lol
From South Park ...


''Who's we? ... have you got a turd in your pocket?''
D'you wanna wake up with a crowd round you?
From Dirty Harry "about has welcome as a turd in a swimming pool".
We have a girl at work we like to call Venus di Milo. As in she's nice to look at but she's not all there.
"take your face for a sh!t"
I did hear a friend of my brothers say this to a girl one time...
Well darling you have the body of bay watch... but the face of crime watch....he he ...terrible hey !!!
I always thought you were stupid; everytime you open your mouth you confirm my belief.
"What ya gonna do for a face when the monkey wants its ass back?"

I said this to my mate (who can take a joke) and he thought it was funny.
True story. Many years ago I came home on the tube on Valentines Day, and to cut a very long story short, I thought the girl sitting opposite me all the way was perfect, but being a shy teenager...

Anyway, just before my stop, I took the chance when she accidentally kicked my leg. She said sorry and took it as the chance to try. "That's OK" I said "do you know, If I'd have known you were going to be on the train tonight (Valentines, remember) I'd have bought a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates"

Quick as a flash she hit back with "well if I'd have known you were going to be on it, I'd have f***ing walked!"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
if i had a face like that, id teach my ass to talk!!
On a parade in Germany the RSM prodded the man next to me with his pace stick and said " Pte Mcleod, there is a piece of sh1t on the end of my pace stick" Mcleod replyed "not on my end of it sir,just a nano second before the RSM brought the item crashing down on McLeod's head)
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thanks folks very amusing.
some one in a pub asked me for a match, i said yeah my ar$e your face
welshwil the usual reply to that is, turn em round and it might strike
I'm fat? You're ugly. Tomorrow I'll be sober.
W.S. Churchill.

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