Will I ever get over this?

[Kleiber]

It's two years tomorrow since my lovely husband died (he was only 47). Some days, I'm fine - normal, happy self - but others, I'm so down in the depths of despair. I don't really know how to explain, but I still feel as if a great chunk has been taken out of me - I miss him so much. Before he died, he told me I was strong and would be OK and most of the time I am, our son and I carry on with life as normal, but every now and again, it hits me. Part of me just can't believe he's gone. We had such a great time together and I don't think I'll ever meet anyone who could hold a candle to him. Has anyone else been through this? How have you coped? How long does it take to come to terms with the loss of someone who meant so much to you? I feel he's still with us but I look for him and he's not there.
I'm sorry to pour my heart out like this and I know a lot of you are going through bad times at the moment, but I need some support right now. Tomorrow, I'll go to our favourite place, up on the mountain and I'll talk to him and then I'll go and put some roses on his grave. And then I'll come home to an empty house. I just feel so damn lost.

[Dassie]

Whilst I empathise with you, you are not helping yourself by not moving on. It may sound harsh but the more you continue to visit the mountain and "talk to him" etc , the more lost you will feel by continuing to live in the past. The sooner you can occupy your mind with other matters, friends, family and new hobbies, the sooner it will get better.
Good luck to you.

[DanFlo]

Hey, i can understand your feelings, its called being in love and the 1 you love is no longer there, i recently lost my mother and i miss her really bad although i didn't live with her. she gave me so much support throughout her life and now i'm left alone for advise and guidence, my father died over 10 years ago. i still think of them nearly every day and thinking of the good times gets me through the loss. i have a great woman who understands, which helps. i'm 53 btw not a spring chicken, my partner is 35 with a very wise head, thank God she came into my life. You have to try to move on but never forget what you had with him. you have a future no matter what, make the most of it. i dread to think what my partner is going to go through when i say hello to the gates.

[Ice-Maiden]

I agree with Dassie, in part. There comes a time when you need to force yourself away from sad thoughts and try and get back into the swing of things again. However, grieving periods differ from person to person. You will never forget your husband, so don't even try to. I think it sometimes helps to talk things through with a bereavement counsellor, and then throw yourself into work, a hobby, family and friends. I'm sure your husband would've wanted you to be happy - so the best of luck for the future.

[TheWinner]

I totally disagree with Dassie.
Of course you miss him, you had a great relationship and you feel you want to be close to him.
Do exactly as you have planned, go to your favourite place and talk to him. Also, say to yourself, - you know, he was such a wonderful person, -- wasn't I lucky that he was my husband? -- and wasn't I lucky that my son had him as a father, and although we didn't have as long as we would have liked, he has left a lot of very happy memories, of which I will be eternally grateful. Focus on the happy times and instead of them making you sad, be grateful that you found such a wonderful person, because not everyone does. I will be thinking of you. God bless.

[Kleiber]

Thanks, guys, and what you all say is right. He would want me to move on,and as I said, most days I'm fine, but every now and again, it hits me that I'll never see him again. I agree with everything you say and I'm doing that now. Have any of you been through anything like this? If you have please let me know how you've coped and how long it's taken to get over it, to some degree. K

[DanFlo]

You'll never get over it, but as the years go by it will become easier. I've recently been to places with my partner where i've been to before with people i've loved who have gone...passed a few thoughts but carried on with the (now) moment. You've got to get on with the (now), keep the memories in your head and gain some more by moving on. Believe me, they are there, its not the end of YOUR life!!

[annie0000]

Hau Kola and i have a big chat about this on another thread - I really feel for you Kleiber - I havn't lost my partner, but have lost a lot of family members - apart from Grantparents etc, the first "biggie" i had was my brother - even though it is now 10 years since he died, I still think about him most days - sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a sad way. I think when people die before their time as it were, there will always be some aspect of "what might have been" to your memories, the important thing really is to try not to make your experience shut down your emotions. I was so upset when he died, that I think that I am wary of feeling too much for anyone in case I get hurt again - that is what will ultimately cause me problems, but that is silly as he never would have wanted me to feel like that. I think that it is important to maybe make your remembering day a good experience so that you can associate it more with a celebration of his life rather than a mourning for his death - if you get what I mean. It is still very early days though and you are lucky that you and your son have each other. It would be good if you could remember some of the funny things he said or did as part of your remembering and include other people rather than making it a solitary event.

I don't really know what else to say, other than that you are not alone.

[lennielulu]

darling you will never get over this, but you will get stronger. ive lost loved ones and 15 years and more later i find myself in tears . i can never get over it. but that just makes you stronger.you wont want to either, but remember your loss is still raw in your heart. he must have been an amazing person. your son will get you through this. and im sure thats what your husband would want. he will always be part of you hunni and thats a great feeling. think of all the good things tomorrow, and while your up the mountain give the biggest yell and ask him to help you get through this. he,ll probably be up there laughing his socks off at you yelling to the top of your voice then shout how much you miss him. but make sure you shout as loud as possible. and who cares who looks or is staring, because although afterwards you may break down and cry. you will look back sooner than you think and laugh your socks off too thinking what he must be thinking and you will find you will laugh again .take care darling and good luck love to you and your son xx

[annie0000]

p.s. Don't go home to an empty home - arrange to have someone round and drink a toast to absent friends! Please don't push people away from you when you feel sad.

[Ethel]

In time you will turn a corner and the memories will still be strong, and you will still miss him so much that at times it hurts - but the memories will be a source of great comfort.

You will find inner peace. Two years is nothing. You are functioning and able to enjoy your son - this tells me you are coping very well indeed.

Don't be hard on yourself. Instead be proud that you have got through possibly f the worst times of your life - enjoy your memories and look forward with hope.
Above all never feel guilty for getting on with life and enjoying yourself.


Good luck for tomorrow.

[Kleiber]

Thanks all of you! I certainly won't push people away - that's why I came on here tonight, and yes, tomorrow will be a day to remember - a celebration of his life. Maybe I will go & yell from the mountain - only the sheep will hear me!! It's so good to know you're not alone when you feel like this - there are some really kind people out there amongst the AB'ers! K xx

[lennielulu]

no.one really gets over nyone they've loved, everyone is different what works for one may not work for you . time will heal and you'll understand, untill then keep motivated you have your son for that, and i promise you , you will find your own way through, but keep you friends and family close, take care babe xx

[Kleiber]

lennielulu, thanks for your thoughts. We don't have any family, just me & my son, but the two of us are very close. I have my animals, too - they're a great comfort. I'm sure my hubby would be happy to know that so many people care about how we're feeling just now. Kxx

[lennielulu]

klieber i hope you do shout from the mountain tomorrow, i hope to speak to you then. im off to bed now, sleep tight and youll be in my prayers and thoughts tonight, take care darling, all my love and good luck tomorrow i offer you my hand to hold i,ll be there with you when you shout out . e will be right with you darling goodnight, and goodnight to all speaking to klieber love lenniexxx

[lennielulu]

well ill be a new family to you im in uk , you, heres my msn if you ever need to chat private. [email protected] ill be on 2morow good luck sweetie take care love lennie xx

[DanFlo]

Well said Lennie. Kleiber you need to take a deep breath on the mountain and realise he's not there anymore, go home and turn a corner. Yes, he was your love of your life, the father of your son, your rock , the man you wanted, but he's no longer with you....move on, you've grieved long enough, never forget him, but move on. I feel for you, you're young enough to gain more memories. Take care.

[lennielulu]

goodnight and i promise i will be there for you xxx

[lennielulu]

thankyou danflo, kielber just needs a real big hug it seems she has no one except her son. but now she has us now and im going to help her get through goodnight and godbless to you all xx

[Kleiber]

Thanks again, all -I'm so grateful for your kind thoughts. You've got me quite choked now! Luv to you all, K xx

[Lindsey81]

Dont be sorry. If you need to let emotions out dont hold back it could take years I mean you sound like you were completely in love do you know how many couples get that in this day and age. When you get down cherish your most happy times with him. I would also start new things keep your mind busy start a college course. Flower arranging, knitting is to quiet to much time to think. I totally agree with your comment other man can hold a candle to him but do they have to for company to talk. Dont think that your doing wrong opening up new chapters are the best in life. Hope you and your son have a great life..