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one liner put downs

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BAKERS DOZEN | 22:04 Wed 28th May 2008 | ChatterBank
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went to a wedding this weekend and the bride had squeezed herself into a very fitted halter necked dress a la shirley bassey. not a pretty sight. two of the best descriptions i heard were - she looks like ten pounds of **** in a five pound bag, and then, she looks as if she poured herself into that dress and forgot to say when! anyone know any more suitable one liners when someone looks a mess?
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it depends why you want to put someone down like that, its her big day and the people she has invited are all sniggering about her appearance. not nice!

Bet the guests didn't snigger at the free meal and booze.

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