Is it possible to have an 'inoffensive' joke

[Oneeyedvic]

Following on from El D's question below regarding Jerry Springer The Opera, which seemd to have a very one sided response (which I agree with), is it actually possible to have a joke that is completely inoffensive to a race, culture, creed, religion or 'minority' group? (or AbEds....)

 

No seriously, any joke?

 

* Not satire, wit or sarcasm, but a joke with a punchline.....

[kempie]

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks "Why the long face?"

 

... or is this speciesist!

[Oneeyedvic]

I was after a 'funny' joke........prefereably one that is funny now, not in the 70's.

 

;-)

[andy hughes]

A man walks past a house window, and in the window is a sign saying 'Talking Dog For Sale �10.00'. The man asks to see the dog, and the owner directs him to the back yard. the dog says "I found out I could talk when i was a pup, so my owner loaned me to MI5. I used to sit in meetings, and then report back everything that was said. MI5 were so pleased, they loaned me to the CIA, and they flew me all over the world forst class, and i used to listen in on all kinds of secret briefings. So, I got a bit fed up, decided to retire. I met a nice bitch, had some pups, and here |I am, that's my story.

The man goes back to speak to the owner. "It's incredible!" he says to the dog owner. "Are you really selling him for just �10.00, how come he's so cheap?"

"The dog owner sighs, and replies "Oh, he's such  liar, he hasn't done any of those things!"

 

I thenk yaou! Tell your friends, I'm here all week! 

[WaldoMcFroog]

Yes!

 

The mechanism by which one tells a joke of the kind you mean has been explained many times and is simply this: A joke has a set up and a punchline. The set up gives an expectation and the punchline subverts it.

 

There is no inherant necessity to discuss race, culture, creed, religion or 'minority' groups at all, let alone offend 'em, though many jokes do use the principle to achieve those aims.

[cruthinboy]

Great joke Andy!

[galltin]

Go on Andy - give us another one................

[andy hughes]

A man buys a motorbike. The seller asks him especially to look after all the chrome, which he put on as a labour of love, and gives the  buyer a small jar of vaseline. adivisng him to rub a thin film of vaseline onto the chrome if it starts to rain, this will protect the chrome.

The buyer takes his new bike to his girlfriend, and tells her they can ride it over to her parents' house for his first meeting with them, for Sunday lunch. As he is parking the bike on the Sunday, his girlfriend advises that they have an unusual custom at her parents' house, and since he may be joining the family, he should know about it. The man is a little nervous, but it appears that the tradition is, after lunch is finished, the first person to speak has to do the washing up.

The meal progresses, and as soon as everyone has finished, they sit in total silence. Three hours later they are still there, and the biker can't stand the silence any more, so he decides to provoke a reaction. He grabs his girlfriend and gives her a passionate kiss. No reaction.

Keen to rise to the challenge, he undresses his girlfriend, and himself, and has hot sex with her on the dining table. Still, not a sound from anyone.

Determined by now to get someone to say something, he undresses is possible future mother-in-law, and has hot sex with her as well.

Just as he is finishing, he hears a clap of thunder outside and sees a few spots of rain on the window.

"Crikey, the chrome!" he thinks, and pulls the jar of vaseline from his jeans pocket.

His girlfriend's father takes one look at the naked man and the jar of vaseline and says "OK, you win, I'll do the bloody dishes!"

[Gee Bee]

Chap walks into the doctors and says he thinks he's going deaf. Doctor replies "What are the symptoms ?"..........."There a cartoon family from the USA, but what about my problem ?"

Another chap walks into the same doctors and says he's not feeling well. The doctor asks him to stand by the window and pull his tongue out for 10 seconds."Why will you be able to diagnose my ailment ?" said the man. "No, I don't like the person standing outside my surgery !" 

[johntheplamf]

Two Dyslexics sitting in a room. One says, "Can you smell gas?". The other says,"Gas?, I can't even smell my name".

[johntheplamf]

A guy walks into a pub with a horse, and says to the patrons,"Anyone who can make my horse laugh, I will give �100". One guy steps forward, whispers something in the horses ear, before the horse rolls about on the floor laughing. Looking bemused, the horses owner, hands over the money and leaves the pub.

About a week later the man again enters the pub, and says, "Anyone who can make my horse cry, I will give �100". Again, the same guy strools forward, Leads the horse into the toilet, and appears 2 minutes later, with the horse in tears.

The owner pulls out the money and says, "Before i give you the money, tell me your secret", To which the guy replies, "Well, The other day i told the horse i had a bigger penis than it, And today i showed it to him"

[johntheplamf]

White horse walks into a bar. The barman says, "You know there's a drink named after you?". "What", Said the horse,"Fred?"

[Hgrove]

there are some jokes here

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Phrases-and-Sayings/Question15462.html

[landie]

A man walks into a 'Fish and Chips' shop and asks for, fish and chips twice. The assistant said OK OK I heard you the first time.

[RevShirls]

Here's a good wedding joke. I hear many at weddings (and tell some too):

Donald Duck gets married. At the wedding reception he has a bit too many too drink. After the reception he runs into the hotel room and jumps onto the bed where Mrs Duck is lying all prim and prudish in her full-length white nightdress. He dives on top of her. She says to him: "Donald, I hope you are taking some precautions". Grumpily, Donald says "quack, quack" (well, you know what his voice is like) and waddles off to the hotel reception and explains his predicament to the receptionist. She gives him a packet and says "Will I put it on your bill, sir".

"What do you think I am -  a pervert????" quacks Donald!

[Dusky]

May I present, ladies & gentelemen, in my humble opinion, the best joke in the world:

 

A man walked into a pub and ordered a double entendre...

 

...so the barmaid gave him one.